The Balanced Living Journal

A Busy Woman's Productivity Plan

2006-11-21T15:26:00.000-10:00

When I was in California last week I got to spend some time with fabulous friends and one of those was my pal Elizabeth. Aren't we cute, having dinner together?

Elizabeth has a big job as an executive at a company in San Diego and since she got this job about 4 years ago she has talked about struggling with the relentless demands of the responsibilities and how to manage everything in a work day. She stayed late at work, took calls on the weekend and always felt like important things were falling through the cracks.

Receiving hundreds of emails a day, managing programs that are inherently difficult in themselves, and fitting in to a new organization were her biggest challenges.

So, I was tickled when Elizabeth told me that she now feels like she has a pretty good handle on her work life and can most often easily be home by 6pm on a normal day.

Of course I was curious about how she went from harried, overworked executive to one who feels relaxed about her big job. She made 3 changes -

She got a Blackberry. Voluminous emails were Elizabeth's nightmare and she is often on the road at meetings up and down the Southern California coast. She found that if she used the 10 minutes here and 5 minutes there in between meetings or waiting for things to get started to check and respond to her emails that she could keep a much better grip on them. She then found that when she returned to her office she didn't have a giant cyber-pile waiting for her. Lesson: used well, technology can be our friend!
She began to say no to lesser priorities. Nobody needs to be on all committees, or respond to all requests for opinions, ideas, etc. Elizabeth found that if she said no to those requests that were not directly related to her duties and programs she was much more able to focus on successfully managing those priorities that really mattered. Lesson: saying no can be a very good thing.
She dumped multitaksing. Elizabeth found that if she focuses strictly on what's in front of her, whether it be a person, an email, a proposal, or a meeting, without splitting attention to an additional task, that she moves through tasks and projects more completely and quickly. Lesson: multitasking is a LIE.

It took Elizabeth a while to figure out these strategies, which may or may not work for you. Every busy woman needs strategies to manage the volume of paper, email, and tasks coming at her each day, but they need to fit you, your style and your job.

What are some of the strategies that you use to keep on top of your busy world? Leave a comment so we can learn from you.

Based on Results....

2006-11-14T11:41:00.002-10:00

I just returned from a wild week of networking and training at the International BNI conference in Long Beach. Whew!

I had the pleasure of being trained for several hours during the week by Dr. Ivan Misner himself - the founder of BNI, author of many books, and named guru of networking.

While I learned much at the conference a few things really stuck out for me. One is the phrase 'Based on results, how's that working for you?' A little Ivan Misner, a little Dr. Phil - and a powerful question to help evaluate the direction that your actions are taking you.

The definition of crazy is: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Don't we do that though? Do the same thing over and over and wonder why we're not getting what we want?

Use this question - Based on results, how's that working for you? - to help reorient your course. Take a look around your life - your business, your relationships, your health, your happiness - and evaluate whether or not you like the results you're seeing in that area.

If you're not satisfied with the results, then your only course is to back up and change the actions that have gotten you here in the first place.

You don't like your weight? Take a look at how you're managing food and exercise.
You're not happy in your relationship? Take a look at what you could be doing differently.
You're not making enough money? Take a look at what you're doing that stops the flow.

Good news and bad news, right? The good news is you're in charge. The bad news is, you're in charge.

Based on results, how's that working for you? I'm going to be asking that question of myself and my clients a lot.

Ask it of yourself now, and leave a comment on how you're going to create some different results in your life.

What's the Greatest Challenge in Balancing Your Life?

2006-10-30T11:24:00.000-10:00

First - balance means, feeling like all parts of your life work to support you being your best self.
I so appreciate your help in learning more about what is between busy women and their feeling of joyful satisfaction. Stay tuned for next month's question....

Happy in Your Relationship?

2006-10-24T08:22:00.000-10:00

I've been seeing a lot of couples in my counseling practice lately. I am always so glad when a couple comes through my door looking for help, because there are so many couples and families out there who are really struggling in the world.

Unfortunately many people tend to wait until there is some kind of crisis before they get help. And, really sad are the couples who come to me to end their relationship - when counseling or some type of assistance could have helped years ago.

I'm here to tell you that if there is trouble in your life or relationship, seek help now - don't wait until there is so much damage that repair is not an option.

How do you know to get help in your relationship? Here's what to look for:

there is any type of abuse - emotional, physical, etc
you are unhappy with your partner
you are fighting dirty - name calling, throwing objects, blaming each other
your sex life has changed
you or your partner has become distant
you feel like a roommate instead of an intimate partner
you have just had children and are adjusting to the change
there has been a shift in roles, such as one of you has become a stay at home parent
you have relocated
you are experiencing financial difficulties
you feel more grumpy or irritable with your partner than happy to be around him or her

Maya Angelou, wise woman of our times, says:

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good Morning' at total strangers."

If you are treating those outside your home better than you are those inside, that's a sure sign to get help.

In most states, you have several options to get some great counseling. Here's the kind of professionals you can choose:

Clinical Psychologist - has a Ph.D, which means that they have trained for generally about 4-6 years to provide counseling and other helping services.
Marriage and Family Therapist - MFT - has a Masters degree and is trained specifically in the area of helping couples and families, though this profession can do more than that.
Social Worker - LCSW, QCSW, DCSW - has a Masters degree, and can focus in their training in multiple areas such as, community, medical, or clinical.
Licensed Counselor - has a Masters degree and has been trained to provide counseling in a general way.
Psychiatrist - MD, provides medication assessment and management and may sometimes provide counseling as well.

All the above professions may be licensed in your state, which means that the individual has taken at the very least a written test and has been supervised for a number of hours.

The best way for you to find a referral to a good counseling professional is to ask a trusted friend, family member or doctor. If you know someone who is happy with their counseling professional, that is a great endorsement. If you call a counseling professional and they cannot see you, for whatever reasons, ask that person for referral names.

What's important in choosing the right professional for you is how comfortable and confident you feel with that professional. Does that person understand you? Do feel like you are improving? Do you feel like you can ask questions and reject the counselor's ideas?

If you took your car to a mechanic's shop and it was not fixed well, then you would simply find another shop and keep going until the problem was fixed.

The same goes for fixing your relationship. If your first, or even second, experience with a counseling professional is not what you had hoped - keep trying until you find one that works.

I currently work with a couple who tried 3 other marriage counselors before they came to me. They say the other professionals were fine, they just weren't the right fit for them.

If you think you need help, then you do. Find the help, be happy in your relationship and in your life. You deserve it, and so does your partner.

How Oprah and I are the Same

2006-10-23T10:49:00.000-10:00

Oprah Winfrey and I have some serious similarities. And, some glaringly obvious differences.

It's the similarities that I love - and who wants to be exactly like someone else anyway - even Oprah?

Aside from the fact that we both live in the same town (I understand that Oprah just bought a home in my little town of Kailua, Hawaii), we both also have a best friend. (Addition: I just found out today, boo hoo, that the paper misreported the info and Oprah's not my neighbor.)

Oprah has Gayle, and I have Marian.

Oprah has said that her nightly phone calls with Gayle King have been how she has grown and evolved to such a high personal level in her life without therapy. Though I've had my share of therapy (a good thing as far as I'm concerned), my 20+ year best friendship with Marian has played a huge factor in my growth into the woman I am today.

I think, aside from your healthy intimate partnership, a best friend relationship is the most important connection you can have in life.

I think a best friend:

loves you completely and unconditionally and accepts who you truly are - regardless of how different she is from you
tells you the truth (yes, your butt looks huge in those pants!) in a kind compassionate way
considers you family
would do absolutely nothing in the world to hurt or harm you
cheers your successes and mourns your losses
keeps your personal secrets and is unwavering in trustworthiness
brings a smile to your face when you think of her
can work out difficulties in your relationship when they come up
can laugh with you in that silly, snorting, pee your pants kinda way
will show up for you whenever you need her

A best friend doesn't sleep with your husband, gossip behind your back, take and never give, or show up only when she has something to gain.

A shocking number of women do not have best friends - or a group of women friends for that matter. To me this is a shame.

Our growth as women depends on relationship. How else do we get to see ourselves? A best friend is our mirror - we see ourselves reflected back in her.

I became best friends with Marian when we were in graduate school. She had pink hair and I smoked. We've changed a lot since then, for the better I might add, and our relationship has had a lot to do with our personal growth.

If you don't already, I want you to have a stunning best friend. I want you to see in her eyes how wonderful you are and the few places that you could do some polishing.

Look around. If you don't have a fab best friend right now, who in your world are you attracted to? Who feels like a woman that you want to hang out with at the coffee house, or go to the kids playground with, or trade stories with? Pick a woman who has qualities you admire - some may be like you and some may be ones you aspire to.

Finding a best friend has some chemistry to it - a vibe, an energy of knowing that you somehow know this person already. So when you choose, don't neglect to try on how this person feels.

I'd love to hear your best friend stories. Post a comment below and let us know how a best friend has impacted your life.

And, Oprah -- I'm looking forward to meeting you on the beach someday!

What if You Had Unlimited Time and Money?

2006-10-10T21:14:00.000-10:00

What would your life be life if you had unlimited time and money? I'm asking you!

I'd love to hear your answer, so put on your dreaming hat and jump on over and answer my question of the month.

I'll be sure and let you know what I find out!

Podcasting for the Technically Challenged

2006-10-04T08:34:00.000-10:00

Have you listened to Coaching A Go Go, my podcast with my fabuloso coaching co-host Nancy Marmolojo?

Nancy and I started our little 'ol podcast about a year ago and it never would have gotten off the ground without Nancy's drive to make it so!

And now, she's offering a Podcasting Class for those of you who don't want to get into all the techie mumbo jumbo, but want to get your own booming voice on the cyber-waves.

It's easy, and Nancy will show you how. All you need is some free software, a basic service and a mic or a phone. Voila! You're podcasting.

It starts tomorrow - October 5, so jump on over to Nancy's site and get all the info.

This is a not to miss opportunity from Nancy -- an easy way to get your message, ideas, and opinions out to the world!

Go check it out now!

Finding the Right Balance Between Structure vs. Flow

2006-10-03T10:53:00.000-10:00

Do you end your day feeling exhausted but feeling like you didn’t really get anything done? Or maybe you end knowing you checked many tasks off your list, but have a nagging feeling that you’re just not satisfied? The problem may be that you haven’t found the right balance between schedule vs. flow. Here’s what I mean.

We need schedule in our lives. It helps us to know what to do when, to not forget important tasks or aspects of our lives and to feel a sense of order. But if we become too reliant and focused on schedule, we become rigid and lose our creative spirit and the ability to bring newness into our life – we feel like we’re in a rut.

Now, flow is equally important. It means that we’re following our wants, desires, and ideas in the moment, we are fulfilling our sense of passion and purpose, and often it is the place where our brainstorms and creative juices burst forth. However, reliance on being in flow can create ‘shiny object syndrome’ – following that which has the most sparkle, but doesn’t really accomplish what you need.

Too much flow can create an eventual feeling of not getting anything done and lead to a decrease in productivity. Read the rest of this article for the 4 tips to help you find your own balance between structure and flow.

Or, listen as Nancy and I talk about this topic at our weekly podcast, Coaching A Go Go

Full Moon Wisdom

2006-10-02T09:19:00.000-10:00

Whether or not you believe in astrology the guidance related to this upcoming full moon is relevant.

My friend Catherine Usha sent along this info about the full moon, which is occurring on Oct 6 here in Hawaii.

"Full Moon periods are known for being times of heightened emotions. With an Aries full Moon, you are going to feel extra-feisty since Aries is the god of war in mythology. If you haven't been speaking up when necessary or if you're having difficulty standing up for yourself, you may feel irritable. Courage is the hallmark of this Moon, so step forward and take the initiative; be adventurous, be bold! Full Moons also represent a culmination of what you set in motion during the last new Moon, so look back at the new Moon on September 22. That event was particularly important because it was also a solar eclipse. Between now and the next new Moon later this month, assess where you are emotionally. If you don't feel content, it's time to make changes that will add to your comfort level."

So what changes would make you content? How would you add to the comfort of your life? This week is the time for initiative and courage - whether it be in your relationships or business.

What steps could you take right now to courageously improve your life?

Some Books to Read

2006-09-29T10:45:00.000-10:00

Currently I have 5 books in process on my nightstand and I thought I'd share a couple with you that I think every woman should have her library.

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston. I am fortunate to have Anita as a friend and part of my circle of women. She is a renowned national speaker on the issue of women and disordered eating and has created her own eating disorders clinic here in Honolulu. As Anita explains in her book, food is not the problem in a woman's disordered eating, it is the symptom. Anita is a gifted storyteller and uses stories, methaphors and the context of women through the ages to help women develop a healthy relationship with food and their body.

The New Feminine Brain by Mona Lisa Schultz. Did you ever wonder why your husband can't seem to keep up with all your activity planning, or asks you over an over again what is happening on Sunday? He's really not trying to make you crazy. It's all about his brain. Mona Lisa is a behavioral neuroscientist and renowned medical intuitive who has been studying brains, behavior and intuition for many years. In this book she illuminates how we can embrace the feminine nature of our brains and how our brains play a part in everything from depression, to anxiety, to our women's intuition.

If you have a great reading recommendation, post it in the comments.

Free Hugs!

2006-09-29T10:41:00.000-10:00

Check out this great 3 min video. Then make sure you give and receive a Free Hug today.

What a fun easy way to increase your energy, boost your mood, give someone else a great feeling, and let a little love flow.

Good for you, good for us all.

Parents - Take Note

2006-09-25T13:16:00.000-10:00

Last week my sister and nephew came to visit for a week. My nephew is 2 1/2 years old, and in the terrible or terrific twos - however you look at it. He is a great kid, as is my sister a great woman, but together they are tough to be around.

That's because my sister is a permissive parent. She's doing the very best with what she knows, and I commend her for all the wonderful parenting that she's doing, but you just can't go through the day - and enjoy it - with a 2 1/2 year old without some structure and discipline.

Here's the advice I gave to my sister - which worked beautifully with my nephew, by the way.

Give appropriate choices. When your kids are young (before age 8) they live quite in the moment and don't plan out their afternoon. Don't ask 'What do you want to do today?' to a toddler - the kid doesn't know! Do ask 'Would you like to go to the beach or the playground?' And, make sure that BOTH the choices you offer are quite alright with you.

Use your mommy voice. Almost 80% of our communication comes through our tone of voice. So, when you tell a child to 'Stop It!' with your sing song 'Let's Play' voice, you are sending a double message - and your child believes the tone, not the words. Mommy voice does not mean yelling, it means that you deepen your tone, increase your volume slightly and add a bit of force.

Be in charge. Believe it or not, your child wants you to be in charge and that means that you call the shots. It's necessary to give choices, options and leave space for your child's contributions, but it's even more important that your child knows that you've got the control. This means making statements as opposed to questions during certain times. If it's time to go to the car, or get ready for bed, tell your child so and don't offer the opportunity for no.

The Power Statement. I learned this from Parenting Coach, Barb Desmarais - 'I'll know your ready to......, when you.....' This works great for shaping kid's behavior around things they want to do. 'I'll know you're ready for the smoothie when you're sitting at the table', worked great for me and my nephew. He jumped to the table every time.

Consistency, consistency, and follow through. You already know this. When you say 'If you do that one more time, then you're going to time out', know that initially your child will test you. They want to know if you really will follow through. You have a better likelihood of ending undesirable behavior if you really do give a time out, or whatever it is you said. Once you say it, do it! There are really no second chances in a child's mind.

Get trained. How did you learn to be a parent? Likely from your own family of origin. Most of us had parents who did the best they could, but could have done better at something. You as a parent are either going to do the same thing, or rebel against it and go completely the other way. Neither may really work the best. Read parenting books and go to a parenting class or two. You trained for your job and you took a test for a drivers license. Why would you want to wing it with the most important contribution you'll ever make to this world? Contrary to popular belief parenting classes are not just for the 'bad' parents that get send by Child Protective Services - they are for every parent who wants to add some tools to their parenting toolbelt.

Here's some resources for you:

Classes
Redirecting Children's Behavior Parenting Classes

Books

The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)
Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens (STEP)
Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six

What other resources do you have? Let us know in the comments section.

You've Got the Power - It's All You

2006-09-13T07:38:00.000-10:00

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Which wolf are you feeding?

We become what we think and we create what we think, so what kind of thoughts are most prevalent in your mind? Those of abundance, gratitude and strength? Or those of blame, anger, and shame?

I find it amazing to watch what happens in people's lives when they realize that their thinking has been their own worst enemy and they have in large part created their misery.

While this concept sounds simple, changing the habit of negative thinking is difficult for some.

There are many resources out there to help you along. Certainly, if your thinking is impeding your relationships, your livelihood or your health, then counseling is a good option.

You also may want to watch a new movie that has been getting a lot of buzz lately, called The Secret. It's not in theatres or on Netflix, so you'll have to go to the website and download it. This is really worth anyone's time and I recommend watching it over and over and over......

Other resources that may be helpful in changing your scarcity thinking to abundance thinking are Choosing Prosperity and Wealth Beyond Reason. These websites give great information, audios, and interactive experiences to help you create a greater degree of abundance thinking in your life.

I ask you again, which wolf are you feeding? Look around you, you created it. Do you like what you see? Do you like what you feel? If not, then change it.

It's the Small Things That Count

2006-09-11T11:44:00.000-10:00

Mother Theresa said:

"We can do no great things - only small things with great love"

A friend of mine forwarded an article to me (thanks Craig) from Orion magazine that illuminates how these words of wisdom from Mother Theresa impacted the author's ability to live well in a world of turmoil.

Regardless of the turmoil in the world as a whole, we are always striving to find the way to make our mark, to make a difference, to leave the greatest impact.

This can be a daunting and overwhelming endeavor if your expectation is that your mark and impact will be through great and giant efforts and accomplishments.

We have been trained to believe that only the bigness of effort and outcome is what is important.

Well - what about that hug and kiss that you gave your 1st grader as she went out the door this morning. Or the cans and bottles that you took to the recycling center this weekend. Or, the sincere compliment that you paid to your friend. Or, the loving kindness that you extened to a person in need.

These we consider small things. They will not necessarily get you on Oprah, but they will make a big difference in someone's life - not to mention yours.

If we all did small loving things daily in a conscious way, they will certainly add up to greatness overall.

What small things can you do with great love? Right now - what can you stop to do that will make a loving impact? Do it. And then make a choice each day to do whatever you are doing with great love. Then watch your greatness grow!

Multitasking is a LIE

2006-09-05T12:32:00.000-10:00

Do you wear the term ‘multitasking’ like a badge of honor? Do you, with great pride, brag to your friends and coworkers that you can manage more tasks at once than an octopus? Are you convinced that you are much more efficient doing 2 or more things at once? I’m here to tell you that multitasking is a big fat LIE! Multitasking does not help us get more things done; in fact it reduces our productivity and efficiency and increases stress.

Corporate and social culture has created multitasking as a norm. With many companies doing more with less, and business owners having to straddle multiple personal and professional roles, there is a certain expectation to get it all done and be responsive to every beep and ring tone that demands your attention. As wonderful as communications technology has become, it has created the side effect of tremendous distraction.

Recent research has shown that when we switch from one task to another there is a lag in our brain’s ability to catch up to what we are doing next. Our brain requires time and energy to move from one task to another. So, when you are working on a project and are interrupted by a ringing phone or beeping email, your brain needs a bit of time to reorient to focus on the project. You actually take longer to complete your project because the time it takes to refocus your brain adds to the completion time.

Additionally, research indicates that habitual multitasking can actually increase stress. This happens because your perceived control, or the feeling of how much control you have in your world, diminishes. The other way that stress increases is that continued multitasking trains your brain to pay attention to distractions both inside and outside yourself, so it becomes naturally harder for you to focus. Less feeling of control and difficulty focusing on tasks = more stress. And who wants more stress?

The simple answer to the multitasking lie is to simply do one thing at a time. But how possibly can you do that when you’re juggling a big job, kids, and an attempt at a personal life? It’s all about shifting yourself away from the ‘shiny object syndrome’ of following that which captures your attention in the moment, towards a bit more structure. Read the rest of the article to find out how you do that.

You can listen to me talk about the lie of multitasking at my podcast, Coaching A Go Go.

Time for Confession

2006-09-05T12:25:00.000-10:00

I've been AWOL. I can't really call it a summer vacation - I'll call it summer chaos instead.

Here's what happens when you buy a house, move into it and start a new business: all normal routines go to pot!

Talk about unfocused, uninspired and energy only for the very basic life sustaining and organizing endeavors.

I actually was a little surprised at how easily I could let go of my lovely little blog posts, my monthly ezine, regular networking and all those other things that keep my coaching biz blooming and flourishing.

But, I'm also equally surprised that with a simple decision and a bit of planning I'm back on track with a new schedule that allows for all new and old endeavors to coexist in harmony.

So.... I'm back and ready to blog!

It's the Prep Work that Takes the Time AND Makes the Difference

2006-07-17T11:29:00.000-10:00

My husband and I just bought a house! A dream come true - not only do we own a piece of this Hawaiian rock, but I can now paint walls. I have been living for so many years as a renter inside the 4 sterile walls of white or some type of beige and now I can create the warm colorful home that I have envisioned.

Sounds fun, sounds easy, and I've painted before, so I thought it would be a piece of cake to simply slap a coat of sage green over the glaringly white walls of our new bedroom.

But, the first rule of homeownership - any project will take at least twice as long and cost twice as much. I grumbled this to myself as I discovered that the existing paint was peeling in one corner of my little room. I pulled and a whole sheet of thick latex came off in my hand. Rats! My little project has turned into a big one now.

So - I spent my Sunday peeling and scraping paint. It's about preparation. I suppose I could have satisfied my need for color and quickly slapped that sage green right up there, but I would have been peeling it off in the years to come. So, I might as well do the drudgery of the prep work now, so that I can lay in my bed, admire my luscious green walls and know that it was done well.

Scraping paint for 6 hours got me thinking about preparation in general and how important it is for our final product. It's true for just about everything: a presentation, a proposal or bid, a tough conversation, picking a health care professional, managing time..... But, I imagine if you're at all like me, you tend to just jump into making the decision, working on the project or painting the wall without doing the appopriate preparation.

I'm currently taking Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero's Red Hot Copy Bootcamp, which has been great. One of the great lessons that she's taught us is that before you write a word, you have to do your research - the preparation. The copy doesn't just bloom from you fully complete. There is a strategy that requires getting information, tools, and other resources before any writing even begins.

Where in your life could you be focusing on preparation instead of the outcome? Is there a project or particular area that continues to require your attention over and over? Are you simply slapping on a new coat of paint, when what is required is to scrape the walls?

I recommend that you take a look at those things that repetitively take up your time and devise a plan to take care of them once and for all. Do the preparation, whatever that means, and you'll find that you get to enjoy your results and you don't have to repaint it, unless you want to.

Turn Your Website into a Money Making Machine

2006-07-17T10:57:00.000-10:00

Believe it or not, you can build the greatest website ever, but unless you take simple steps to market it correctly, your visitors just won't come. Join me at a fr*ee teleforum on July 18 as I talk with Biana Babinsky, an online business consultant, expert and author, as she discusses how to turn your web site into a selling machine. You will learn how to:

get more visitors to your web site
get more subscribers to your newsletter
gain online recognition
sell more of your products and services
make more money online

It is fr*ee to participate and you will get a recording, but you have to register, so go do that now!

New Video from Sarah McLachlan and Why You Should Watch It

2006-06-30T10:27:00.000-10:00

Did you know that it costs $150,000 to make an average music video. And, that's not the bling bling version.

Sarah McLachlan made her newest video World On Fire, for $15 and then donated the rest of the money to help 1,000,000 women, children and men across our globe.

Watch the video. Not only will you learn about what it costs to support those in need around the world, but you may come away with a larger understanding of the value that we have placed on entertainment vs. ensuring the people around the world are living well.

That's what happened for me - and I'll never see another music video in the same way.

Do Your Kids Drive You Crazy?

2006-06-29T09:22:00.000-10:00

I hear from my clients all the time that their relationships, especially with their kids and significant other can create the most stress for the busy women with a business.

It's terribly difficult to be focused in your business and make effective decisions when you're worrying about the fight that you had with your partner last night. Worrying about family and relationship comes in high on the stress creator list.

As you may know, I am not only a Coach, but also a practicing marrriage and family therapist, and if family or partner stress tops your list, then I have some recommendations for you.

Don't feel bad if you struggle with your family relationships and need some advice or assistance. Mostly we learn how to be in relationship from our own family role models. So, look at your parents - likely how they acted with each other and with you provided a model for how you do it now.

Destressing With Your Kids
I interviewed a great parenting coach, Barb Desmarais, who gave some wonderful strategies on managing your kids' behavior. I recommend listening to that audio to hear some great strategies on basic discipline.

Have you seen Super Nanny, Nanny 911, or more recently, Shalom in the Home. All these new reality shows are about kids gone wild. The common denonminator are parents who are not providing appropriate boundaries and discipline. Every human needs to know what the boundaries are - kids especially. You know they will push and push until the reach the boundary. Remember, you have taught them their behavior, so with some new skills and some steely resolve you can unteach them. I recommend watching the shows above to get some great ideas.

Choices, consistency, and managing your own emotion are the 3 basics that I teach parents when they come to me with a parenting crisis.

Give your child choices that are appropriate for their age - and ensure that all choices are acceptable to you. Younger kids can have 2 choices, teens can have 3-4.

Consistency is crucial when dealing with your kids. If you say one thing and then cave under pressure, then you have just taught your child how to manipulate you. Don't say anything you can't uphold - mean what you say and your child will come to accept that.

When you have a bad day, do you come home angry and stressed out, taking it out on your family? Many do - but how is it that we have become better at being nicer to those outside our home, than those in it that we love the most. If you have trouble managing your own emotions, then I suggest you get some help from a therapist, coach, friend or mentor.

One of my favorite parenting resources is a Redirecting Children's Behavior trainer. With a motto of 'Peace Begins at Home' these trained parenting professionals can give you practical and effective techniques and tools to help you with all your parenting questions.

If you're feeling stressed about your kids, or your life as a parent, use one of these resources to get some help.

And, those of you out there who have some other great resources, click on the comment link and let us know what your favorites are.

How Not Taking Care of Yourself Can Kill You

2006-06-25T12:05:00.000-10:00

A few days ago I heard that my former cleaning lady, a lovely young woman, has terminal liver cancer. *#@* is what I thought! She's not even forty, with two young children and a loving self that gives and gives. How can this happen?

The part of the story that really made me sad was that she had been having many symptoms for many weeks and continued to ignore them, work through them and caretake everyone else around her until the cancer had progressed into an inoperable form.

I've been hearing a lot of these stories lately. A friend's husband died a few months ago from lung cancer - not even a smoker. He had an unusual cough that persisted for about 6 months before he went to have it evaluated.

And, at my recent women's retreat almost every woman had a story to share about significant illness or hospitalization as a result of ignoring signs of stress. These women admitted that they did not really know the signs that their body was giving them that they were beginning to run on empty until an injury or illness completely laid them out.

Why is it that we ignore our body's signs and signals that something is not working well? Is it fear? Is it the thought that it will just resolve itself and go away? Is it that we feel that there is not enough time to go and take care of ourselves?

I've been having some difficulty with my asthma these last few weeks. A very new occurrence for me and one that I've been a bit worried about. But, I haven't been to the doctor yet, choosing instead to continue to increase the usage of my inhaler.

What is more important than our good health? And, as we age, it becomes something we have to think about more and more.

As women we often are focused on taking care of everyone else - often to the detriment of our own health.

The bottom line is though - if you are sick, incapacitated, or goddess forbid dead, who will take care of your loved ones then?

Are you getting regular checkups? Here's what you should be doing at least once a year:

General physical with blood tests
Pap Smear
Dental exam and teeth cleaning
Eye exam

And, if you have particular health issues, you need to follow your doctor's recommendations for care and treatment.

Don't ignore your symptoms. Take care of yourself so that you are around a long time for your loved ones.

I'm going to the doctor today to check out this asthma. Is there anything that you need to making an appointment to check out?

Boost Your Business with a Blog

2006-06-23T11:09:00.000-10:00

Since you're reading this you surely know what a blog is. You probably even have your own blog. But, are you using your blog to the best of it's abilities?

A Professional Blog Gets More Traffic to Your Website and Turns Prospects into Paying Clients.

Register Now for this Fr*e*e teleforum as I present The Blog Squad, Patsi Krakoff & Denise Wakeman, who will share:

How a blog is different than a website
How a blog can boost your credibility factor
3 ways to make money with your blog
How to use your blog to promote your book, products and services

Whether you are a blog pro or a blog wannabe, you're sure to learn a tremendous amount from these blogging experts and come away from this call with new information and inspiration.

It's Fr*ee, but you do have to register!

Nancy Marmolejo - Latina Entrepreneur of the Year

2006-06-18T12:34:00.000-10:00

I love Nancy Marmolejo - my kindred coaching pal and co-host of our podcast Coaching A Go Go.

And I am so thrilled, excited and proud that a few weekends ago Nancy was honored as the Latina Entrepreneur of the Year by the National Hispanic Business Women's Association.

That's a really big deal for a women who decided to give up her career as a school teacher and jump into creating a coaching business so she could be more available to her cute as a button daughter just a short 2 1/2 years ago. And look out people - she went full steam ahead and has created a muy fabulosa business.

Yay Nancy! You deserve it.

10 Inexpensive Ways to Use Audio to Attract Clients

2006-06-18T12:12:00.000-10:00

Did you know that about 1/3 of the people that you are trying to reach are auditory learners? For an auditory learner the written word or even a picture can be meaningless, but a message delivered by a voice can create instant understanding and desire. That means that if you don’t have audio as a part of your marketing message you may be losing up to 30% of your potential clients.

In this f*r*e*e teleforum on Tues June 20, learn how to attract more clients with audio from Penny Haynes. From audio books to podcasting, Penny will cover the top 10 ways to use audio in your business. You will learn:

The two most important types of audio messages to put on your website

At least 3 audio methods to promote your services, expertise or products

How to create a sellable product with audio – while promoting yourself at the same time

Resources for your technical questions

It's f*ree, but you need to register - so go on over there right now and don't miss your opportunity to bring audio into your marketing strategy.

How Procter & Gamble is Using 600,000 Moms to Buzz Products

2006-06-17T09:30:00.000-10:00

Women Beware! The laundry detergent recommendation that you just received from a work colleague, along with a handy coupon, may be a result of a crafty big business marketing plan, and not just the friendly personal experience endorsement that you thought it was.

Personal recommendations, or word of mouth marketing, is powerful. And, as women we are drawn to buy products or services based upon the good word of friends and colleagues.

Big business has caught on! Noted in the May 29, 2006 issue of Business Week, business giant Procter & Gamble has been focusing on the powerful word of mouth marketing method and has enrolled over 600,000 women as their 'salespeople' for P&G products. The women are provided with specifically crafted product messages and coupons and then are expected to spread the P&G product word far and wide to their extensive social networks. They receive product samples in return.

You can call this smart marketing, but there seems to be a dark underbelly to this method.

This cadre of women have no obligation to divulge their connection to P&G and what they are receiving in return for their endorsement. This raises an ethical concern.

When you watch an ad on TV you know why it is there - the company is trying to sell you something. When you listen to your neighbor's presentation for health related products you know that you will be asked to consider buying.

When a friend at work tells you that they have achieved wonderful results from a P&G product and that you should try it, you would believe that they are simply sharing their experience with you - not delivering you a crafted marketing message from the product company.

We are already marketed to at every turn - do we want to turn our personal relationships into a product selling vehicle? Do we want to question the words of our friends and family and wonder if they are simply trying to sell us something?

Don't get me wrong. I'm a business owner and I whole heartedly embrace word of mouth marketing. I participate in network groups that function from this method, I buy direct sales products and my own business thrives or dies based on client's experience and recommendations.

However, when I talk to someone about coaching services, they know I'm a coach and that I might be interested in their business. It is a clear communication - the other person knows my interest.

In the P&G word of mouth method it is up to each woman to choose to disclose her affiliation with P&G. I'm sure some do and many don't.

What I would like to see is a requirement in this method for full disclosure, like mandated in the newly formed Word of Mouth Marketing Association (WOMMA).

I think we should know when our relationship is being used as a marketing opportunity. I'm not against this method, just when it's done deceptively.

Keeping in Touch in a Fun, Playful Way

2006-05-29T19:17:00.000-10:00

In both my ezine, Living in Balance, and my podcast, Coaching A Go Go, a recent topic was about creating and maintaining a circle of support - ensuring that your web of relationships was the right size and well maintained by you.

And voila! Here's a totally fun way to keep up with your web of girlfriends, young and old - designhergals.com. You can create custom images that look remarkably like yourself or your gal pals and use them on ecards, note paper, and other fun kicky keep in touch methods.

After reading about it in O Magazine I went straight to my computer to give it a whirl. I sent Sienna my goddesschild, who was having her first 5 year old ballet recital an ecard with a pretty darn good likeness of herself in a pink tutu. She loved it!

Go see for yourself - and let that special friend in your life know that you're thinking of her.

But beware, it can be addicting. Pretty soon you'll be creating fun Design-her Gals for all your friends.

Image from www.designhergals.com

Think Big, Write a Great Bio, and Parent like a Star

2006-05-22T19:04:00.000-10:00

There's a theme in the title. Think you might know what it is?

If you've been paying attention to my 'Ask The Expert' series you'll recognize that these were the topics of the last three conversations that I had with notable Experts.

What?! You missed the Expert calls. Not to worry since they are now available for you to purchase as an audio download so that you can listen anytime to this knockout information.

Here's what Nancy said about '5 Discipline Strategies that Don't Involve Yelling, Nagging, or Spanking' with Barb Desmarais:

This teleforum was great! I hope that people who missed it will be able to buy a recording. You are a great interviewer Catherine and Barb has so much info! I want her to move in with me and perform Nanny 911 duties on a daily basis!! -- Nancy Marmolejo

Isabel Parlett's presentation on 'How to Write A Bio that Sings' garnered much praise:

This was my second teleclass with Isabel Parlett. Talk about content rich! I especially liked the idea of finding a theme that my life story illustrates. After the teleclass and for the remainder of my day, I felt really light and joyful. What I heard on the call resonated deep in my soul. -- Karen Hanna

I've been putting together a better bio (based on) the awesome teleconference. Thanks for letting me be a part of that. -- Liza Wacker

Thanks so much for the call with Isabel Parlett yesterday. Her advice on writing a bio was invaluable. I am delighted I was able to participate. --Rayna Schroeder

And, lets not forget my podcast parner extraordinaire, Nancy Marmolejo's 7 Secrets to Big Picture Thinkers. We didn't have any live guests, so no audience feedback, but take my word for it, these 7 Secrets are indispensable for the game of life and Nancy is a Big Picture genius!

Success is an Inside Job

2006-05-22T10:50:00.000-10:00

Having trouble getting to the success that you want? Maybe you've started a business and even though you built it, they're not coming. Or, you're a direct seller and you're not experiencing the seemingly effortless sales success that others in your organization are. Or, you have a vision for your life, but you just can't seem to ever get there.

Success means a lot of things - more than just money. Certainly money is important, and it's one of the defining indicators of our culture.

But, what else does success mean to you?

Many times the people that I coach have trouble getting to their vision of success because they have not illuminated that vision clearly. They know that it means more money, or a better feeling, but past that foggy and vague idea there is no clear path to follow.

So, I ask it again - What does success mean to you?

In creating your vision of success, and therefore your path to it, there are some questions that you need to answer.

How do you want to feel as a result of your success?
Who will you be involved in relationshp with?
What will you do with your free time?
What will be different about you when you are successful?

I encourage you to take some time and answer these questions for yourself. Write it out. Take your notebook or journal and go to a quiet place and really consider who you will be when you achieve your success.

This is not just about what money will buy you, but about you as a person.

Once you have that clear picture of you, begin to work NOW on making those personal visions a reality. Don't wait for the elusive vague success to happen in order to become the person you want to be.

If you see yourself as being more organized, or less fearful, or involved with more positive people, or more focused when you are successful, then start working on bringing that aspect of you into being now.

And, if you need some help in doing that, a coach, therapist, mentor, or skilled friend is a great resource to turn to.

As you work on making your own self what you envision you to be, you become brighter and shinier and you begin to attract success.

You have a business plan for your business to tell yourself where you're going. A plan for your life and growth is important too.

Don't just let life happen to you. Live your life on purpose. Know what you want and where you're going and you simply are more likely to get it.

Happy Mother's Day - Fr*ee Teleforum

2006-05-14T11:40:00.000-10:00

Discipline's a Dirty Job - But a Parent has to Do It!

In honor of Mother's Day (and Father's too, coming up) I am presenting a fr*ee teleforum on Monday May 15 from Barb Desmarais - 5 Discipline Strategies that Don't Involve Yelling, Nagging or Spanking

Being a parent is the hardest job on Earth. You love your kids so much, but sometimes they can be sooo frustrating and your frustration can turn into anger and get the better of you. There are wonderful and effective strategies of disciplining children of all ages that don't involve your anger. No change ever occured from shame - come learn these 5 Winning Strategies and retire yelling, nagging and spanking from your discipline toolbelt forever!

It's f*r*e*e, but you do have to register. And, don't worry if you can't make the call - you will get the recording when you register.

A Woman's Worth

2006-05-11T19:15:00.000-10:00

Somehow I missed the boat back in 1993 when Marianne Williamson published ‘A Woman’s Worth’. I heard about this author, this book, but just didn’t take the time to read it. I was delighted to find it waiting for me on the shelf at the used book store when I did a big book stock up last week (unbenownst to me that it was already sitting on my shelf from the previous trip).

It was just the right book for me to read right now – ironic how that thing called ‘timing’ happens. I had just returned from an annual 4 day retreat with my goddess girlfriends and was reveling in the glory of my feminine spirit.

I was thrilled to find Marianne Williamson really telling it like it is about what it means to be a woman in this world and how it is that we got here. From the pre-Christian days when the feminine and the masculine were equally acknowledged and shared power, to our current cultural dilemmas, Williamson explores where our feminine spirit came from, how it serves us, where it got subjugated along the way, and what we need to do to reclaim it.

She says, “This is a book about a woman’s inner life. Here, we are our real selves, while in the outer world we are impostors. We’re not sure why we’re posing, except we have no clue how not to. We have forgotten the part we came here to play. We have lost the key to our own house. We’re hanging out outside the door. Today, the reason we haven’t found our grail, the key to who we are as women, is because we look for it in worlds of false power. Neither men nor work can restore our lost scepter. We can’t look to the world to restore our worth; we’re here to restore our worth to the world.”

This is not about gender, it is about valuing the feminine aspects of the world: connection, compassion, stillness, being, weaving, creating, nurturing….. Our current western culture, especially in

America

, overvalues the doing and producing nature of humans and we as women feel pushed to do, do, do, which flings us farther and farther away from our true spiritual nature of embracing our feminine selves.

What if our world valued caretaking and nurturing just as much as it valued product production? What if women became comfortable with her feminine nature and stepped to power using her full self? That’s what we want and we can make that happen by starting to know and claim our feminine spirit.

Do you know who you are? Do you feel that at the end of the day if you haven’t crossed 10 things off your list you are worthless? Do you listen to your intuition and inner wisdom and take the time for yourself that you crave?

Be, do, have. That is the natural order of things. We be, then we do, then we have. Not just do. Not just have. But be – that is our feminine.

I encourage you to get this book and savor the words within. If you were one up on me and read it years ago, it’s time to remind your feminine spirit that you haven’t forgotten her. As Marianne Williamson asks, ‘What would it take for us to remember our worth?’

On Retreat - Hibernation, Creation, and Inspiration

2006-05-09T20:59:00.000-10:00

Wow! It's been nearly 3 weeks since I've posted. Usually my posts come out of something that has inspired me from my own life or that of someone else's, but I just haven't felt the tug lately. I've been on retreat - literally and symbolically.

A few weekends ago my Goddess girlfriends and I went on our annual 4 day sojourn to a retreat center on the Big Island (otherwise known as the island of Hawaii). This was our fourth year and as usual, did not disappoint. There is something incredibly magical about 14 women of varying ages and incredible and powerful feminine spirits joining together for days to celebrate together, enjoy each other's company, and simply breathe in and out.

I still feel like I'm on retreat. I feel still and a deep need for nature and quiet and sensual pleasure. I'm eating a lot of Dove dark chocolate squares, petting the dog and walking near the ocean. The pages of my journal have filled up and my husband wonders why I'm spending so much time upstairs in the dim light.

I'm on retreat. I'm getting things done, but I'm also acutely aware of my inner voice, the wise whisper that instructs me so well.

I'm on retreat. I laugh and connect and feel joy, yet a deep stillness in my soul.

I'm on retreat. My path seems clear and unemcumbered. I am grateful for the clear schedule and the upcoming minor surgery that will keep me quiet and at home.

I finally realized this year that being on retreat is really my life. In years past when I have returned to my 'real life' complete with hectic schedule, many demands and high paying executive job, I have strained to keep the 'retreat' feeling with me. This year they blend - the retreat, my life, the retreat, my life.

They are one in the same.

Isn't that what we all want? To feel the same when we are on retreat or vacation. What would make yours that way? What changes can you make in your life so that you don't feel like you need to escape it? What one thing can you stop doing right now that will give you a breath of retreat?

Life Lessons from American Inventor

2006-04-14T08:40:00.000-10:00

I like reality shows. Not all of them, but being a people person I'm always curious what other people are up to. And, I've come to realize that you actually can learn a lot from other peoples' public successes and miserable failures.

So, when American Inventor came on the scene I tuned in to see what folks' creative minds were cooking up. Wowie! I had no idea that so many people out there were passionately creating such interesting things. Some are kooky, but others are downright fabulous. More power to the creative genius of the American public!

However, there are some really disturbing stories about people who simply cannot let go of an idea that isn't great or is, simply put, stupid. Some contestants have given up savings, retirement, houses, marriages, children, and in one case even a kidney to pursue what they see to be as their dream.

Come off it people - don't give up your family, your health, your relationships, your home, or your security for a dream!

Having a dream is great - we all need them and we all have them. But, how do we know when to give up on pursuing a dream?

Here's what I think. Give it up or switch gears when your dream becomes your life and your life becomes your dream to the exclusivity of all else. When you are placing all hope on something to be realized in the future then you completely ignore the present and life just passes you by. It's kind of like gambling, the prize is out there, it might be yours, but if you're playing a game with long odds then you may want to refocus on the prize that's in front of you right now - your life.

Dream away people, but don't forget that there is a lot of life all around you that is real, right now. Dreams are fabulous, necesary and a part of our life - not our whole life.

American Inventors - listen to what others say. If your dream invention is great the applause will be resounding. But, if your life is slipping away because of your dream, then it's time to live now and dream later.

The Paul Principle - Are you Ready for Opportunity?

2006-04-13T10:22:00.000-10:00

I am a believer in creating the best you possible and that means regularly looking for your life lessons and evolving on purpose. And, most of the time that's what you get here in The Balanced Living Journal. Balanced living means all parts of your life supporting the best you possible.

So, I was tickled when I read Andrea Lee's blog today which is focused on The Paul Principle, meaning: In any given business, the growth of the business will rise or fall to the level of the business owner's personal development.

She shared a great story as an example of how we can have fantastic ideas, help banging at our front door, yet the opportunity passes us by because we have not yet done the work we need to grab opportunity in the moment.

But, I don't think this is just related to business. I think we can apply the Paul Principle to our lives in general. So - I alter this principle a bit to read: In any person's life the feeling of satisfaction and success is directly related to the person's personal developement.

Maybe we can call it the Catherine Principle.

Yes, focus on your business skills, yes, focus on your parenting skills, yes focus on learning new things that make the world better - but please don't forget about honing your greatest tool - you!

What opportunity has passed you by simply because you were not ready? A great relationship, the perfect job, a delicious adventure? Work on you now - don't wait until you have to.

Defintiely read Andrea's blog - not only this post, but others. She's smart, she's funny, and she always has something great to say - whether you're a coach or not.

Andrea makes an offer in her blog to send you the Clean Sweep - a fantastic tool to help you determine what's working great in your life and what you can clean up a bit. I use the Clean Sweep all the time with my clients - get it from Andrea, or get it from me, but get it and take it. It's a great tool to know where you stand in your life.

Send me an email at Catherine@coachbalance.com with Clean Sweep in the subject and I'll be happy to send you a copy.

The Scary Leap from Corporate Secure to Entrepeneur Free!

2006-04-09T14:04:00.000-10:00

Maybe you've done it already, or maybe you're just sitting in your cubicle dreaming about it. No, I'm not talking about a date with your personal McDreamy, I'm talking about your leap from employee to entrepreneur!

I did it two years ago and most of my clients either have just made the leap or are teetering on the edge looking at the ground so far far below.

It can be a scary thing, but there is so much excitement, possiblity and freedom in becoming your own boss and seeing your own dream come to fruition.

In her blog Escape From Cubicle Nation (cute, yeah?) Pamela Stewart shares three things that we definitely leave behind when we leave the security of our corporate lives.

Transition and change always involve leaving behind and gaining something new. As you consider leaping into the wide world of being an entrepreneur take a look at your whole picture - not just the fact that you'll be able to work in your sweats and won't have to listen to someone's crackly pop station radio all day.

You definitely have to weigh the pros and cons for yourself. Know your values and what's important to you. If your primary value is freedom, like mine is, then at best being an employee will never feel completely satisfying, at worst it will feel like a straightjacket. But, if you are a person who values steadiness and security, then the entrepreneur road is going to be a rocky one for you and corporate life may be your satisfaction ticket.

There is value in the adage, look before you leap. Just be sure that you're looking inside as well as out.

Photo from: Don Getty

Write a Bio that Sings! - A Complimentary Teleforum with Isabel Parlett

2006-04-03T13:11:00.000-10:00

Does Your Bio Tell a Story?

Join the 'Ask the Expert' fr*ee teleforum presented by Balanced Life Coaching and learn from Isabel Parlett - a women who's words rock the world. You'll come away with a bio that sizzles.

Monday, April 10 - 11:00 Hawaiian, 2:00 Pacific, 5:00 Eastern

Register at www.coachbalance.com

Most business owners struggle to write their bios and worry about what to include. And let's face it: most bios are dull, listing facts, or sounding braggy, without ever giving a good sense of the person its about. Join business communication expert, Isabel Parlett, to learn the basics of putting together a moving, revealing bio that not only shares your vital information, but also makes clear how your life connects you to the material you share.

And to see how Isabel puts her own skills into action - here's her bio:

Isabel Parlett has spent her life exploring how words connect us to ourselves and each other. A former professional actress (who spoofed Shakespeare in a mud pit), she learned first hand that touching people and teaching them requires the same skills.

An early adopter of coaching, Isabel was the 199th person to enroll at Coach University and one of the first forty people to be awarded the Master Coach Certification by the International Coach Federation. A popular teleclass leader at Coach U, Isabel gives presentations on the power of language that are always original, provocative, and energizing. She formed her company, Parlance Training to teach visionaries and innovators how to find the words they need to rock the world. Learn more about Isabel at www.parlancetraining.com

It's fr*e*e, but you do need to register at www.coachbalance.com

3 Reasons Why You Don't Achieve Your Goals

2006-03-28T15:03:00.000-10:00

You've set a goal, maybe a New Year's resolution and it is now months later and the goal has fallen by the wayside, or completely off the radar.

How often have you said to yourself 'I'm gonna do this' only to find yourself quickly abandoning the idea, feeling stuck, or worse yet in the pit of guilt because you just can't get this goal off the ground.

I'm here to tell you that despite what your inner voice may be telling you (down, bad voice, down!) there is nothing wrong with you. There are 3 good reasons why you are not victorious in your accomplishment of some of your goals.

First - it may be the wrong goal. Are you setting goals based on what you think you should do, or someone else's expectation? If so, those goals feel like you're pushing boulders up the mountain.

Second - you may not have the information. You've got a great goal, but you just don't know how to get there.

Third - personal barriers are in your way. There's nothing like a little fear, overwhelm or disorganization to block your progress.

Read more about these 3 goal killers and what to do about them so you can get yourself moving forward and feelin' proud!

6 Tips for a Successful Life

2006-03-16T08:43:00.000-10:00

Michael Crom - Gannett News Service, recently wrote '6 job tips for young, new workers' that was published in my local paper the Honolulu Advertiser.

When I read these tips I saw that they were not just for the young, and not just for the workplace. These tips are great practices for all of us if we want to be successful in our life.

Have a positive attitude - who wants to be around or do business with a whiney complainer? The glass really is always half full and the more that you focus on what is working, the more things will work.
Dress appropriately - image is important in our culture. Sure, it would be great if people only formed their opinions based on your stunning personality and super smarts, but that is not the fact. Ensure that your image suits your profession, your age, and the message that want to get across.
If you don't know ask - how do you know something unless you ask? Put your ego aside in order to get something done correctly, which will often save you both money, time and often, pride.
Own up to your mistakes - I call this personal responsibility. When you take responsibility for your errors, then you are claiming your power, since the only person you have control over is you. When you blame others, you are only giving away your own power.
Listen - you have two ears and one mouth and should use them in that proportion. It is a basic human need to be heard and understood, so you will become sought after as a friend and business associate if you are a good listener.
Project confidence and competence - if you don't know what this means, look around you and find someone who you think projects these qualities. Notice what they are doing - standing up straight, answering questions directly, stating their opinion clearly - and begin to try it on for size.

Perhaps you are already a pro at these essential life practices. But maybe you are not so good at one or more. Find a role model for yourself - someone you know in life or even a celebrity or well known person. As you develop your own way, it is helpful to think of that person and what he or she would say, or how they might act in order to get some idea of how to begin to walk through your own life differently.

The Million Dollar Question - Are You Enough?

2006-03-12T19:43:00.000-10:00

If you feel like you are enough - just you, all by yourself - then you probably don't have any struggle saying no when you mean it, eating only the food you desire when you're hungry, keeping only supportive and positive people in your life, not abusing drugs or alcohol, ensuring that you take very good care of yourself, and buying only those things which you need and desire and can easily afford.

Oprah has begun America's Debt Diet, which is focusing on 3 families and how they have spent themselves into debtor's prison and are risking the annihilation of their families. What is so amazing about these three families is that America gets to clearly see themselves in each person's struggle.

Dr. Robin Good, Oprah's psychological sidekick (who is absolutely fantastic), dug into these couples' emotional pain this last week to see what is fueling the emotional fire that is so consuming for these people.

It all comes down to this - Are you enough? Deep down in the self that is just you, are you content and satisfied that you are just fine now and always.

When we don't feel enough all on our own, we continually look for the ways to soothe the pain that we feel - food, buying things, drugs, bad relationships, sex, you name it.

The fact is that YOU came into this world as enough. You got taught, or made up stories as life went on that you are not.

Good news is, you really are enough, but you may have to get through some of the pain in order to feel the fullness of the real you.

Oprah wisely says that we must live life consciously - understand that there is a consequence, an effect for any action we choose, and so make our choices accepting the consequence that will follow. In my words, this is personal responsibility and personal power - stop giving it away.

Are you the one who always says yes when you mean no? Do you take care of everyone around you and neglect your own self care? Do you allow people to treat you disrespectfully? Do you blame others for things that don't go well in your life?

I really encourage anyone who is answering yes to those questions to find someone to help you determine what those bad habits are covering up, so that you can truly feel like you are enough.

Because you are!

Resentments: Drinking Poison and Expecting the Other Person to Die

2006-03-07T08:21:00.000-10:00

Resentments can feel oh so good, but they are killers. The only person that feels a resentment is YOU!

Listen to Nancy and I at our fantastic podcast Coaching A Go Go to learn how to push the delete button on your resentments.

Working For Yourself

2006-02-26T09:45:00.000-10:00

Do you love your job? Or, do you go to work every day wishing like crazy that you were doing something else?

There's a lot to be said for having your own business and working for yourself. Your boss is usually nicer! You get to control and manage things the way you want. You can work at 6am or 10pm and do yoga or play dates in between.

And, there are a lot of challenges. You have to fix your own computer. You have to take complete responsibility for failures and when things don't work. You have to be quite good at managing your time.

With all the pros and cons, ups and downs, at this stage in my life I would not go back to working for someone else. I have learned so much from creating my own business and it has allowed some wonderful growth in me as a person.

Are you considering going into business for yourself? It's always going to be a jump, but make sure that you plan as well as you can, before leaping from the cliff.

In a recent article over at the International Virtual Womans Chamber of Commerce I tell my story of how I went from the board room to the home office. There are some tips for you in that article if you're considering making the leap into your own business.

And, for those of you who have already lept, what are your tips? Give us your sage advice for transitioning from pumps to slippers.

Say NO and Get What You Want (or Something Better!)

2006-02-24T09:43:00.000-10:00

My client Kym and I are working on a great goal - increasing her monthly income by a certain nice round number. Kym is really great at manifesting opportunity, but she came to our call this week with several money making opportunities that may not have been the best for her goal.

Kym realized that these opportunities did not meet her criteria and that she wanted to say no. Kym had an AHA moment - she hates to say no.

Saying no might mean that the person will be angry, or that opportunity may never come again, or she may be turning away something that really was good. Can you relate?

Kym did say no. But, she was brilliant and not only said no, but also clearly stated what she would like instead, what would work better for her.

Can you guess what happened? Yes, sirree - she got what she wanted and some great future possibilities!

By being clear about what she wanted or didn't want, and then stating it well to another person, she got what worked well for her.

Here's what Kym says:

"This No thanks stuff and being clear about the criteria is AWESOME. it's interesting because people don't like it sometimes when you define your boundary, however, they do look at the situation and try to make it work."

Nobody knows what you want until you tell them, so don't assume that NO is a four letter word.

How can NO be your best friend?

Truth Spoken Out Loud

2006-02-16T19:54:00.000-10:00

My friend Sue sent me these words from our modern wise woman Maya Angelou, a 70 something year old woman who speaks out loud all the truth that we really do know deep inside.

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.

"People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Using Your Car as Your Organizer

2006-02-15T19:35:00.000-10:00

My client Suzanne recently informed me of her new system for keeping herself organized. Since we really learn a lot from each other, here's how Suzanne is taking a potentially difficult situation and making it work for her:

"Here's something that I've recently implemented: Remember how I told you that my front seat of my car is my "office"? Well, it was always cluttered with "my life". . .papers with ideas, receipts, bills, papers of business I needed to call, etc. Well, I was getting tired of having it all hodge podgey on the front seat, and then scrambling to move it all to the back seat when I had a front seat passenger, so I got an "office organizer". It's a red canvas basket, normally used for grocery shopping for just a few items and eliminating the need for using the store's bags. I love it!!! I keep everything in it, and once a week or so, I'll go through it and take care of whatever needs attention. I can't believe how something so simple has made me feel SO MUCH better about being organized."

So there you go! You really can organize from your car. Just goes to show you that it's all about creating a system that works for your life, not making your life fit someone else's system.

Whaddya think?

What I've Learned from a Ski Boot

2006-02-13T12:49:00.000-10:00

My husband and I just got back from a week of fabulous fun in Whistler, BC Canada. Since I've been skiing since I was 8, it is a sport I know well, but that I don't get to do much since I've been living in Hawaii for the last 11 years.

My wonderful husband, Carlos, who is always in favor of complete satisfaction, suggested multiple times at the beginning of our trip that I get new ski boots. Why? Because I had been complaining last time we skiied that my feet hurt a bit.

'No', I said, 'they don't hurt that bad, it's not that big a deal'. 'But, they're old, how old are they?', Carlos asked. Hmmm.... let's see, before Hawaii - omigod, about 14 years old! And, what is that funny dusty look that the plastic has - I"ve never seen that before.

OK - can you see the good information happening here - pain, weird looking plastic, and definite age on the old side? But, I still didn't pay attention.

So, I donned all my mountain gear, strapped on those trusty boots, and started on my way to the shuttle. See what happened?

Craaaaccckk! All of a sudden my tootsies were wiggling in the cold mountain air and the toe of my boot was a few steps behind me. Then, craaack, off went the other toe too. As I walked back to our condo, definitely NOT skiing that day, the boots completely disintigrated. I had to collect pieces of plastic all the way back.

As Carlos likes to remind me now - disaster averted in a big way! Can you imagine if I was heading down a mogul run and my boots cracked apart? Broken ankles and a few other things for sure.

I'm glad that the Universe decided to give me such a humorous lesson instead of a painful one. From this funny experience, here's what I've learned:

I have a very strong belief that I should eek out every last drop of use from an object/ tool before a new one is purchased. The old one should fall apart (literally, I guess), before buying a new one is appropriate. This belief really got in my way as I denied all the information being presented to me to make a good decision for new boots. I also failed to consider that boot technology had changed a lot in the years since my last purchase and so I would be buying a much improved product.

This funny experience really pointed out to me how this belief of mine can limit the success in my business. Do I have to wait for a computer breakdown to buy a new one? Do I have to have my carpal tunnel act up in order to buy a properly sitting chair?

I hope my lessons continue to be funny and that I don't have to break any bones or databases along the way. Just to keep me focused, I think I'll keep a picture of the exploding ski boot handy.

Total Alignment

2006-02-04T19:01:00.000-10:00

New Moon Rising Over the North Pole

Isn't this photo amazing?!

I'm often stunned by the forces of nature and in this picture the complete alignment of forces that represent opposites to us - the light and the dark.

What does alignment mean in your life? For me it's kind of like balance - all pieces of life working together to support the best self. My light and my dark working in a complementary fashion to create a complete whole.

When you are your natural self then you become in total alignment. Allowing the dark to emerge is often the challenge for many of us.

What needs to happen in your life to bring you in to total alignment? Post a comment and let us know.

My Doggie Star!

2006-01-30T14:28:00.000-10:00

Ok - I know that I usually give you information that helps you to live a balanced life, but indulge me here with a little love for my happy pooch, Kiva.

She was featured as pet of the week at Kim Bloomer's Bark n' Blog as a guest of her big dog Shadrach.

If you're a pet lover and are into caring for your pet naturally, Kim's got all kinds of great products and information for you over at Aspenbloompetcare.com

It's looking into the cute little face of our pet that can sometimes bring us such peace and joy - so do good things to take care of your furry friend.

The Flow of Your Spirit

2006-01-28T10:23:00.000-10:00

A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing
Maya Angelou

Are you in harmony with your spirit? Do you know what that means for you?

For me, being in harmony with my spirit means that I'm:

listening to my intuition and following it
taking time every day for the quiet parts of me
moving my body regularly so that it is pleasing
spending time with my women friends
allowing my emotions, but not in ways that are hurtful
nourishing my body well
acknowledging the powers greater than me
taking the time to nurture my important relationships

Think for a moment what this harmony means for you? When do you feel that you are in the flow, that you feel the most 'yourself'. Tell us in the comment section what this is for you.

The Impact of Expectations

2006-01-23T09:37:00.000-10:00

Are you one of those folks who think you have to do everything yourself and do it perfectly? Many of my clients have this expectation for themselves and it just kills them!

Expectations can be very helpful in guiding our lives, but can stop us dead in our tracks when they don't fit who we are naturally.

What are your expectations for yourself? What expectations does your family and others have of you? Are these expectations helping or hurting?

Listen in as Nancy and I talk about how expectations play a role in your success in life on the most recent edition of Coaching A Go Go.

Things You Can Learn From a Dog

2006-01-22T10:55:00.000-10:00

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps. Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout . . . run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Don't know who wrote this wise, witty truth, but you can find it and more at http://radiofence.com/pet_humor.htm

Finding a Planner that Works for You

2006-01-16T14:13:00.000-10:00

So, really. How many of you out there are using one single planner and are completely happy with your system? Yay for those of you who are secure and organized in your Office Depot weekly calendar, but for those of you who struggle with the planner systems that are out there, I've got some suggestions for you.

A planner and task organization system is more than just a product. It reflects a lot about you - who you are, how you think, your creative format, and what pleases you. Who thought there was so much to a planner!?

Leyden from New York thought about it and was never satisfed with what she could purchase in the stores. With a busy corporate job, 2 burgeoning entrepreneurial ventures, and a sky high creative spirit, she needed something that just wasn't out there yet. Hear how Leyden created her very own planner, which she calls 'The Plannal' on the most recent edition of Coaching A Go Go. You'll be inspired to look at planning in a new way.

Dale, created her own method also, but from a whole different perspective. As a busy mom, writer, and business person Dale has a lot to keep track of. She's also a logical linear thinker and created a method that reflects that. Dale uses a blank lined book and creates a space for every day where she notes her phone msgs and to dos. After each notation she puts a box, which then allows her to check off the item when she has completed the task or returned the call. Simple solution.

Kathy, has yet a different way of planning her busy life as a woman with multiple responsibilities. Kathy likes the Franklin Covey system and has a planner and their Forms Wizard software, which allows her to customize her planner forms. She also uses a PDA, as she is on the go most of the time. Because Kathy's business is photos she swears by Creative Memories photo organizing software to keep all her pictures organized and available.

What kind of planner do you use? A simple calendar, software you can't live without, a mix of several things? Leave us a comment - your great idea may be just what someone else is looking for!

2006 - The Year of Dinero!

2006-01-13T13:14:00.000-10:00

Tune in to the latest Coaching A Go Go where Nancy and I talk about money money money!

Nancy has 5 great tips that you don't want to miss that will make your 2006 the Year of Dinero !

And, while you're at it - today's the last day to save some $dinero$ on my Day Retreat for Women - Creating 2006 from the Inside Out. If dinero is on your goal list for 2006 (making more, stewarding it well...), then this is the day for you.

The Power of a Compliment

2006-01-12T12:06:00.000-10:00

You know that one of my daily actions is to compliment someone and that this hasn't rolled as naturally as I thought it would.

Well, earlier this week a person called me from an organzation that I have donated to in the past, asking if I would again give a contribution.

I normally do not respond well to these phone calls. I feel like it's just not a 'real' conversation and that I am simply the blanks in the script that the person is reading from.

That was not the case with this phone call. Though I'm sure this woman had some type of script, she was natural and energetic and obviously very enthused about the cause she was calling about.

I of course said I would donate again and then told her that she was very good at this work, a natural. I could tell that this compliment had a big impact on her from her response to me and at the end of our call she said that I had made her day.

Isn't that what we want to do, is make someone's day?

My guess is that she continued to spread good feeling to the rest of the people that she talked to that day, and I know that I sure did.

So, here's the challenge. Go out over these next few days and consciously give sincerere and heartfelt compliments to as many people as you can. Then, let us know how it has impacted your world. I'm sure it will be great.

What I've Learned So Far From My 3 Daily Actions

2006-01-08T22:05:00.000-10:00

Wow! I've been sicko-rama ever since this year began. Hmmm.... what does that mean.

However, I have followed through with my daily actions and I've opened a new little window into myself.

First thing - I'm really good at gratitude and appreciation. I had to remind myself a few times, but that one seems to flow out of me quite well.

Next in line - I'm not that good at complimenting. Rats! I thought this was the easy one. I'm realizing that I'm much better at seeing what I don't like than what I do. Some definite practice in this area will be happening.

Who knows - if you call me up I may practice my complimenting on you.

As for doing scary or uncomfortable things every day - that's been a little hard as it has been difficult finding scary things every day. I guess I thought there were more in my life than there are. I'll keep lookin' though.

What daily actions have you chosen? And, what are you learning about yourself?

Creating Goals for the New Year

2006-01-03T09:13:00.000-10:00

'Tis the season of creating goals, resolutions, lists of how you want to be a better this or that.

Because this is often a place that I begin with my clients - what is your goal, what do you want to achieve? - I have spent the last few weeks determining how I wanted to create my own goals for 2006.

I am a big believer in goals, writing things down and creating on purpose; however, I also believe that there are as many ways to do this as there are people in this world. So, it's not surprising that the way I conceived of my goals this year is a little non-standard.

Rather than a numbered linear list of things I want to achieve or accomplish or obtain, I created 3 actions that I will do each day. These actions were specifically chosen with the intention that when they become habit (and most actions do after 30 days), they will create such an attractive force in myself and my life, that what I desire to attain and achieve will simply be drawn towards me. Want to know what actions have such power?

Daily do something that scares me, makes me uncomfortable or I have been putting off.
Express gratitude daily - to another person or the Universe.
Compliment someone daily.

I created a small journal to keep track, which helps me consciously remain focused on these 3 important daily actions.

What are your goals for this New Year? If a standard list is not satisfying to you, what would really feel like a robust plan of action for your 2006? Let me know if you'd like some help with this.

Color and Mood

2006-01-02T11:30:00.000-10:00

Happy New Year Everyone - or Hauoli Makahiki Hou, for a Hawaiian New Year greeting. I hope you enjoyed your holidays and have tremendous plans for this next year.

I'm starting out 2006 with a bright golden office!

I have craved for years to paint my walls luxurious colors - blues, reds, oranges. But, I'm a renter and that is normally frowned upon - until now!

I am thrilled beyond belief with my color, which is quite bold, but it makes me smile everytime I see it. There really is something to the color and mood research.

I didn't do any color research before choosing 'Casa de Oro' for my office, I just went with what was most appealing for my dark office space. But, if you want to color yourself according to desired mood, here's some tips.

From fanciersplus.com:

Pink - soothes, promotes affection, romantic and charming.

Yellow - cheerful, increases energy, lift spirits, sunny, bright, hopeful, optimistic, joyful, clear, creates motion.

Orange - denotes energy, warmth, sun, soothing, friendliness, youthfulness, happy, motivated, garish.

Red - empowering, stimulant, hot, alert, excitement, attention grabbing, powerful, passion, love, energetic.

Teal - touch of sophistication and richness.

Green - signifies growth, renewal, health, successful, environment, balance, harmony, stability, money and good luck.

Purple - comforts, mystery, creativity and moodiness, wisdom, royalty, passionate, nobility and spirituality.

Blue - relaxes, cool, calming, sky, peace, tranquility, harmony, trust and confidence, water, truth, serenity and spaciousness, comfort. The number one choice of Corporate America is still blue.

There's lot's more info out there - just 'google' color and mood. Think about the connection of color and mood the next time you get dressed before a big presentaion (I always wear red), or as you're considering a new color for a room in your home!

Quote for the Year

2005-12-30T11:19:00.000-10:00

"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present"
Albert Camus, The Rebel

Get Your Year in Gear

2005-12-19T18:18:00.000-10:00

Was 2005 a firecracker year, or the year that fizzled? Did you accomplish the goals you set out for yourself and your business? Did you even have goals?

I can help you make 2006 the year that rocks! Check out my new January schedule, which includes a Day Retreat and a 4-wk teleclass, both focused on planning your year from the inside out.

If the same 'ol goals seem to crop up on your list year after year, then likely you are not choosing the right ones.

Choose either the Day Retreat (and come to Hawaii!!!) or the teleclass and learn how to choose goals based on your intuition and values and walk away with a map and a personalized plan for your very own spectacular 2006!

Stop What You're Doing Right Now and Go Have Some Fun!

2005-12-19T09:44:00.000-10:00

Yesterday I was busily moving through my task list cleaning up the backyard from the freaky windstorm the night before that had covered the yard in miscellaneous detritus, when I noticed how particularly lovely it looked out over the direction of the beach. Because the windy weather had aborted our planned hike and knocked our power out a few times during the day, I felt that enough with the tasks already and a jaunt outdoors in the dusky light was simply the thing to do.

I gathered my husband, the oh so happy to go in the car dog Kiva and off we went to enjoy a late afternoon stroll on Kailua beach. Isn't that one of the reasons we live here?

Kiva the wonder dog bounced and swam through the surf endlessly fetching the tossed stick and gleefully rolling in the warm sand. Just watching her do this with such unbounded joy always makes me joyful.

The water was a unique combination of glassy, but nice little waves rolling into the shore. The pink light of sunset was filtering through the clouds, creating a rosy glow to the surf.

Just this 30 minutes at the beach created the inspiration and energy for me to have an immensely productive and satisfying evening, that I don't think would have happened had I simply finished raking up the backyard.

Spontaneous fun has a way of filling up our bucket in a quick way - especially if it's related to nature and beauty.

'Tis the season of busy and bustling and stress for a lot of you. Stop it right now and go have yourself 30 minutes of fun. Ride the merry go round at the mall, sit on Santa's lap, sip a mochachino at a cafe table, make snow angels, create a way to giggle with your children. You will feel filled up in a way that is not possible by simply checking the boxes off your list.

'Tis the season to be jolly - don't forget to get some jolly of your own.

Finding Your Natural Rhythm

2005-12-12T09:22:00.000-10:00

I was participating in an online networking holiday party this weekend over at the International Virtual Womens Chamber of Commerce, and the subject of exercise and how it affects business came up.

I didn't pay much attention to the topic until I began to read about the energy, emotion, and frustration that the issue of exercise brought up.

I realized, more than any other subject, exercise seems to bring up the whole 'cloud of should'. You know what I mean. I 'should' really exercise. I 'should' really do it 3-5 times a week' I 'should' get cardio and weight bearing activities into my life. I 'should' do it first thing in the morning.

What if the word 'should' was completely eradicated from the Universe? What would you say then?

Exercise really works when you make a choice and then find a system that works for you. There really is no should about it. It just is and you may be different than your neighbor, or friend, or network buddy.

Same goes for everything else in your life - parenting, running a business, learning, play. You are unique and there is no dang 'should' about it!

Find your natural rhythm. Just because my husband can thrive on 6 hours of sleep doesn't mean my 9 hour requirement is wrong. It's just my natural rhythm.

Just because my Coaching A Go Go podcast partner Nancy speedily moves through her day and craves being around people doesn't mean my slow poke, pensive self should be the same way.

Fit your round self (I don't mean literally!) into your own round hole - not someone else's square one.

Make your first goal for 2006 to quit with the shoulds!

Gifts that are Good for the World

2005-12-05T10:13:00.000-10:00

Are you making your list and checking it twice? If the latest techno-gadget, or Wal-Mart trendy toy is not your idea of a holiday gift, consider these options.

Earth friendly office, art and school supplies. Everything from colored pencils made without rain forest wood to paper pads made from recycled paper and banana stem fiber. Many great stocking stuffers.

Handmade bags from recylced saris that are made by fair trade co-ops in India. These bags are gorgeous and practical.

Fabulous handmade jewelry from the Masaai women. Called Zulugrass, this unique jewelry is made from actual grass, which is then dyed beautiful colors and paired with glass beads. Strung on super duty stretch cord, they are as versatile as they are beautiful. The proceeds support the Masaai women who make them.

5 Tips to Put the Jolly in Your Holidays

2005-12-01T13:34:00.000-10:00

You want your holiday season to be filled with ho, ho, ho - not #*^!@. So before you completely decorate the tree, pour the first eggnog, unpack the menorah, and plan your gift list, read this article to fill your holidays with jolly.

And - for those of you audio folks, listen in to the podcast at Coaching A Go Go as Nancy and I talk about getting the jolly in your holidays.

What's Draining Your Energy?

2005-11-29T09:14:00.000-10:00

Creating and keeping energy is a big issue for me and consequently something I know a few things about. When I began working for myself I realized that one of the reasons that I had been tired most of my adult life is that I had to use enormous amounts of energy to keep up with the regular workplace pace. Gee - and I thought one of my strengths was to be able to work really quickly!

In the latest edition of the audio program Coaching A Go Go, Nancy and I answer a listener's question about energy drains and what to do about them.

Listen in to this 20 minute program and have your pen and paper handy!

Laugh at this Turkey!

2005-11-23T14:16:00.000-10:00

Have a delicious, delightful and humorous Thanksgiving!

Here's my Thanksgiving gift to you. Turn your speakers on and get ready to chuckle. Thanksgiving Turkey!

Everyday Gratitude

2005-11-22T12:06:00.000-10:00

With Thanksgiving just a few short days away and our December holidays right around the corner, 'tis the season for thankfulness.

Every year for Thanksgiving Carlos, my husband, and I go to our friends' Dale and Nikolai's house. Not only does Dale cook a meal to die for, and Nikolai create a mean cocktail of your choosing, and not only do we spend the day with friends and kids who we love, but each year Dale gathers us for a ritual of expressing our thanks.

When we arrive we are greeted with a bowl of slim pieces of sturdy paper, which have a piece of string or yarn attached and a pen. We are then to write those things that we are thankful for during this last year. Everyone writes - even the smallest of kids, who sometimes need a scribe.

Then we gather in a circle in the backyard, just prior to throwing ourselves at the feast on the table, and read our thanks out loud. Some are funny, some pull at the heart strings, and some, like the kids', are simple and touching and truthful.

Once everyone has spoken we tie our paper thanks on a ficus tree. Dale, Nikolai and their two boys get to enjoy the fluttering gratitude tree all year long.

Gratitude plays a big role for me, and a day does not go by that I don't express my thanks for something in my life. Hear more about what Nancy Marmolejo and I have to say about gratitude at the recent Coaching A Go Go podcast.

What are you thankful for and how can gratitude play a part in your life all year long? Leave a comment and let's hear from you.

Days at the Conference

2005-11-21T08:45:00.000-10:00

I just spent the last week in CA at the International Coach Federation conference and visiting my family. It was pure pleasure developing friends and connections and luxuriating in the relationship of those who know me well.

Because I'm here on this Pacific island doing business all by myself, I was stunned at the sheer mass of coaches at the 10th annual ICF conference. There were 1752 of us there and we filled a huge ballroom at lunch. Oh, I belong! I was suprised that this sense of belonging impacted me so heavily, but it makes sense. I do everything over the phone or online and to actually be in the physical presence of others in my profession somehow made it real for me. Very cool!

The other super cool part of the conference was meeting my coach pal Nancy Marmolejo. If you listen to our podcast - Coaching A Go Go, then you know Nancy and I were looking forward to meeting at the ICF. Meeting Nancy was like meeting a best friend and just picking up the conversation where we left off last week. What a joy! Here's our pic - aren't we cute? Nancy is in fact much taller than me and so I made her crouch so I didn't look like a dwarf!

I also was invited to be a guest blogger at The Blog Squad Live, which was great fun! I got to meet several fabulous folks as a result of that. Denise Wakeman and Patsi Krakoff, the pink babes behind The Blog Squad put this together and they were both a total delight! They are in the photo at the top of the page.

You just can't underestimte the power of community.

End of Year Coaching Special

2005-11-08T07:30:00.000-10:00

We're into November now and 2005 will soon be history. Have you accomplished all that you set out for this year?

If not, or if you are bursting with new ideas that you want to bring to the world, then some coaching may be in order.

I'm having an end of the year special on individual coaching. Check out the details here.

For those of you who want to:

Take on or finish a big 2005 goal
Feel the peace of the holiday season, instead of the frenzy
Begin planning new ideas, projects,or business ventures for 2006
Clean up and organize
Get a hold of your time and energy

Finish 2005 with a bang - get a jump start on 2006!

What's Your Story?

2005-11-03T09:39:00.000-10:00

I've recently been doing some personal work related to the Law of Attraction - more about that later - and so I sat down and wrote the story of my life as it occurs when I am fully in weath consciousness. Wealth, meaning all that which makes me wealthy - financial, spiritual, family, relationship, health. When I view my life from the perspective of being in total wealth, what is it?

My story began with, 'I'm sitting in my red overstuffed armchair and I just hung up the phone with a fabulous client. I look across my gorgeous and neatly organized hardwood desk out the picture window to the stunning view of mountains, trees and open fields.' The story went on to describe my office, my home, the morning with my husband, the surrounding area, the community we live in, the vehicle I drive, the friends we have, etc. It's a great story! And, now that I have a clear and distinct story, I think about it all the time and hold it in my conscious thoughts.

Yesterday, when I was having lunch with my friend Liza, she asked how I stay out of fear. I had to think a moment, but I realized that by consciously shifting my fear,scarcity or lack thought to my wealth story is how I do that.

What's your story? Sit down in a quiet place with some time to yourself and write it down. If it comes in chunks, that's fine. Make sure you write it in the present tense (no I wills, or I shoulds) and that you are an active player in your story - not just an observer. Review it weekly and hold it in your thoughts daily.

When I told Liza yesterday to write her story, she looked at me and said 'I did that about a year ago, and now that I think about it, that story has all come true.'

How do you know where you're going if you don't create a path? Write your story and sit back and watch it come true.

www.coachbalance.com

Guest Blogger

2005-11-01T09:50:00.000-10:00

I'm attending, for the very first time, the International Coach Federation conference, which begins next week. 1500 coaches are registered to attend. I'm beside myself with glee at all the fun and excitement and creativity that will be happening - on my inside and around me!

I was invited to be a guest blogger at The Blog Squad Live, for commentary pre-, during and post-conference. I thought it would be a few little 'ol coaches chatting about stuff, but oooohhhh noooo - I'm with some of the big dogs. Published authors whom I've read, bloggers I subscribe to, coaches I've listened to in teleforums - I'm playing with them. Sure busts my belief that I'm not big enough to play this game.

Women Leaders

2005-10-24T21:16:00.000-10:00

I was standing in line at the grocery the other day and, as usual, scanning the magazines - yes, even those kooky tabloids - when my eyes landed on Newsweek with Oprah on the cover - titled, When Women Lead.

Am I just seeing it everywhere or are women's issues beginning to take front and center?

One of my big theories as to what is going on with us women these days is that there has been such tremendously rapid cultural change for us in just the last 50 years, that we really don't have the role models to help us know how to be strong, and true, and full of ourselves - in the good way. Think about it, we went from June Cleaver, to braids and burning bras, to power suits with shoulder pads, to where we are now - which is kind of a mix of all of them.

Well, I think we do have role models now. I saw them in Newsweek. Of course there is Oprah for me. But, we are diverse and we need a multitude of role models. Check out the issue, you may find a woman who inspires you.

We all need inspriration.

The Big Question

2005-10-20T08:58:00.000-10:00

What would you do if you could not fail? As I was reading along at www.happynews.com, my latest fave way of checking out what happening in the world, this was a question posed in one of the headlines. Certainly that caught my eye.

I had two responses to this. The first was to think, what's wrong with failure. Failure teaches us important lessons and we grow and gain knowledge, skills, and understanding from failure. Failure is a natural part of being human, of nature actually. How would our world be different if we didn't encounter failure? All of our amazing inventions and technologies came as a result of experimentation and previous failures. So, failure is good.

Then, almost simultaneously, as thoughts sort of do, I began to think about how powerful this question is in helping people to deterimine the true desires of life and for some how failure equals fear. Failure can really be a show stopper for some folks who have beliefs that failure really means something about who they are as a person. By considering this question, the failure aspect becomes suspended, and a person's true path in life can become illuminated.

I don't think failure is a bad thing. However, I know there are a lot of you out there who can become paralyzed by the possibility of failure and that stops you from even trying something new.

So, consider the question - what would you do if you could not fail? Start a business, sing in a band, learn a new sport, lose weight, run a marathon, really communicate your feelings? Make a list and consider what your life would be like if you actually did these things. Begin to bring them to life.

Failure is a human concept that lives in our brains. When a lion stalks a prey and then fails to capture it, that failure certainly doesn't stop that lion from hunting again. The lion simply learns and adapts from that situation. And the lion certainly doesn't feel shame as a result - perhaps hungry, but not shame.

I challenge you. Make your list and enrich your life by becoming who you are truly meant to be. And, if you need help, give me a call. I don't believe in failure.

www.coachbalance.com

Erma's Wisdom

2005-10-11T08:23:00.000-10:00

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it live it and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Happy News - my dream has come true

2005-10-10T08:11:00.000-10:00

For the longest time I've been telling my friends that I want to create the Good News Network. You know, the place where you go for up to date world information about what great stuff is happening out there. Not that I really wanted to create a media conglomerate, but why am I bombarded with such bad news from the media all the time? Does sensation really sell, or have Americans been trained to buy that *&^%?

I realized quite a long time ago that I could not watch TV news. It is just too upsetting to me and creates bad feelings that linger on and on. By accident I caught a TV news trailer after Oprah the other day - you know, the clip that entices you to keep watching - which said, "Baby run over by car in driveway. Stay tuned to see who the driver was." Gross! And dishonoring to the baby and the parent. And I noticed when I read the paper this morning that every single headline in the front page was terrible news. I skipped that section.

So, voila! Enter the Good News Network, in the form of www.happynews.com. My friend Craig sent this good news on over to me and I quickly added it to my RSS feeds and keep up with the world, but in a good way. It's not just 'boy saves puppy from well' stories. It is the news that you would see in other media locations, but with a good news perspective.

Check out happynews.com and see if you're ready for a regular dose of good news. I bet you'll be surprised at the impact you see in your body and your mind. I bet you smile when you read it, and we all know that smiling makes everything better!

coachbalance.com

Just for Fun!

2005-10-06T09:17:00.000-10:00

Life can be a bit too serious sometimes. Check out this fun little quiz about your birthdate and see how accurate you think it is.

Here's mine. Do I think it's accurate? Yep - and I'm excited about the financially lucky part!

Your Birthdate: August 17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense.

Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise.

You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease.

You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them.

A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Dreamboards- Visual Inspiration

2005-10-02T10:39:00.000-10:00

Remember collages? Your elementary school teacher sat you down with a pair of safety scissors, a jar of paste with instructions not to eat it, and a pile of magazines, and off you went to create your masterpiece of cut outs.

As grown ups we have graduated to scissors with points, and are no longer tempted by paste (hopefully!), but collages still come in handy - they're just called dreamboards now.

Dreamboard, huh? If you're not familiar, a dreamboard is an inspirational visual image representing your dream, future, vision, or goal. Often a dreamboard is put together as a collage, but it certainly can take other forms.

I've created a few of my own dreamboards. The first one I did was when I began my own business. My intention for this creation was to have a visual guidance and inspriational focus as a I walked into a new part of my life. Here's what I came up with

Then I outgrew that one and created a new one that focused on the growing aspects of my business and how it all fit together into my life as a whole

Just to give you another example, here's a dreamboard that one of my group participants put together (of course she gave me permission!).

Are you ready to create your own dreamboard? Here's how -

Gather a pile of magazines - often the library has ones for free.
Get a piece of posterboard and a glue stick.
Set your intention - what is the focus of this dreamboard?
Go through the magazines rather rapidly and simply rip out those images and words that strike you. Don't try to make sense of them, just rip.
Lay out all your pieces to get a sense of the whole.
Begin to place the cut outs on your posterboard and rearrange them until it feels satisfying to you and then glue them in place.

Voila! Dreamboard created. I usually hang mine above the altar I have in my office. I look at it almost daily and if I meditate during the day, that's where I end up. This is an intuitive process, so let your inner self be the guide and let her have some fun!

www.coachbalance.com

Just Say No to Overwhelm

2005-09-27T16:30:00.000-10:00

Yeehaw! Podcast #2 is on the airwaves.

Nancy and I had a kickin' time talking about overwhelm and how to get it on out of your life.

Go listen for yourself at Coaching A Go Go

And look in the left hand sidebar for instructions to use iPodder to magically add our podcast to your portable MP3 player while you sleep. I love technology!

Stay posted for #3 when we will share with you the secrets of getting along with just about anyone in your life. Don't want to miss that, now do you?

Creating Wild Business Success

2005-09-26T11:57:00.000-10:00

Is your revenue decreasing – or are you afraid to run the numbers?

Are you feeling like you keep running into the same problem over and over again?

Are you losing clients or sales?

Ever feel like you are working hard in your business, but not really getting anywhere

If you’re saying YES, YES, YES and are a woman in a home-based or virtual business, there is a solution! Join the Creating Wild Business Success seminar to break the barriers to your success.

In this dynamic seminar join other business women and learn how to move past the obstacles that are keeping you stuck, so that the money, the clients, and the creativity flow.

This group which is limited to 8 women will meet on the phone:
Tuesdays, Oct 11, 18, 25 & Nov 1, 8
2pm Hawaiian (3pm in Nov), 5pm Pacific & 8pm Eastern

For more information and registration go to: www.coachbalance.com

I'm a Podcaster!

2005-09-22T08:30:00.000-10:00

The podcasts are coming, the podcasts are coming!

No, you don't need to go running in fear - it's just technology rushing in to provide you with even more options to conveniently get the information that is just right for you.

My Coach pal Nancy Marmolejo of Comadre Coaching and I are now airing a regular podcast called Coaching A Go Go, which you can connect to and download at www.coachingagogo.blogspot.com. It's nothing fancy, but we promise great information for you in our ever so spontaneous and authentic way.

You can easily subscribe so that our coaches words of wisdom automatically transfer to your Ipod or other portable MP3 player. More on that later if you're not sure how that works.

For now, get on over to Coaching A Go Go and hear us talk a bit about getting unstuck!

Brought to you by Balanced Life Coaching

Getting Unstuck

2005-09-15T09:53:00.000-10:00

I spent this summer watching my business fall away. What was happening? My mood was plummeting, my husband wondered why I was so cranky and I began to wonder if I was really making the right choices in my life. As I panicked and looked for the hole in the dike to put my finger in I realized I couldn’t blame employees, or bureaucracy or poor systems. Since I’m the only one in my biz, it had to be about me. Finally I realized I was stuck in a familiar quagmire that was actually rather predictable for me. Once I realized that the changes needed to come from the inside, I went on a very purposeful mission to learn what was keeping me stuck and how the heck to get out of it. I’m happy to say I was quite successful and now full of energy, action, creativity and possibility. I want to share with you what I’ve learned, because I imagine that you’ve experienced stuck too. I’ll give you a roadmap to follow right out of the quicksand.

Read the rest of this article and other great information in my September edition of Living in Balance.

Words of Wisdom for Women

2005-09-13T10:02:00.000-10:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always
makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make
her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over
her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love
without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the
length of her calves,
the width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may
not have been perfect..
but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and
wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go..
be it to he best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't
accomplish in a day...
a month...
and a year...

The Power is in the Present

2005-09-11T20:32:00.000-10:00

My Coach pal Nancy Marmolejo at Comadre Coaching sent me this wonderful little video several months ago. I keep it in my email inbox and watch it periodically when I need a bit of a pick me up and a reminder to pay attention to right now. I think we could all use a pick me up these days!

Check it out - it's lovely and inspiring. Don't forget to turn on your speakers.

The Power is in the Present

Learning to Tolerate Emotions

2005-09-08T18:56:00.000-10:00

I have been so absent from my blog! This deep exploration process that I've been doing has been fantastic, and it has consumed my thoughts, energy and time.

And, I really want to share with you what I've learned.

I wrote previously about my limiting belief. The overpowering fear that came with that belief was public humiliation. Not something I think anyone wants to experience, but it also didn't really add up related to what my life is all about.

What I realized is that there was a sticky, gooey, yucky feeling underneath that felt so bad and my fear and belief were actually simply trying to divert me from that feeling. So, the belief in action actually protected me from going deeply into feelings that were hard for me to tolerate.

Ah! I just learned a technique to deal with this. Dave Buck of Coachville calls this 'feeling gym'. Here's how I did it:

Get into a quiet place - which for me meant my upstairs lanai in the dark.
Bring the feeling up - I focused on feeling publicly humiliated.
Locate the feeling in the body - for me it began in my solar plexus and moved up to the bottom of my throat.
Investigate the body feeling - it was black and gooey and blobbish and seemed to move around and occupy a lot of space
Stay with the body feeling and go deeply to the core, the central nugget - I just stayed with the feeling and visualized burrowing deeper and deeper into the center. .
Note what happens - it shifted and moved into several different body parts, like it was trying to escape, but I just followed along. Interestingly,it was not uncomfortable at all to stay there once I got through the intial yuck.
Repeat this process whenever an uncomfortable feeling comes up - I did this when I would practice speaking my truth and the anxiety came up.

In this way I expanded my ability to tolerate the feeling that came with my limiting belief.

Wow! It's amazing how this belief and the accompanying anxiety and fear is almost eliminated. The way I can tell is that I have had many long years of having trepidation of calling people on the phone. No good reason and kinda weird, but it fit right into this pattern. Now, I pick up the phone easily and call all kinds of folks. Yay!

What types of uncomforatble feelings are your beliefs protecting you from? Try the process above and stick with it until you increase your tolerance. If you need some help, let me know. I'm pretty good at it now!

www.coachbalance.com

Journey out of Being Stuck

2005-08-26T10:40:00.000-10:00

I got stuck. Business stalled, my satisfaction level took a dive and the feelings of hopelessness began to creep in around the edges. I started to doubt myself and my abilities and even to my horror began entertaining the thought of returning to work for someone else.

So, I went on a journey. I am on a journey I should say - one that is taking me inside myself and peeling away old beliefs and patterns like the layers of an onion.

The first belief I uncovered was: Speaking my truth and being fully expressive will result in shame, humiliation and people shunning me.

Yuck! I'd become familiar with this belief over time, but I had no idea that it packed such a life-limiting punch.

Well - that one's gotta go. So, I replaced it with: Speaking my truth and being fully expressive will result in attracting just the right people to me.

OK, good start. Now I realized I had to put that into action. I began to see opportunities everywhere for me to speak truthfully and express myself. Sometimes I jumped on them, sometimes I missed them and sometimes they were still a bit scary, but here's what I did:

Shared more with my husband about my decisions and ask for feedback
Became the 'client' in a class I am instructing and shared this belief and process with my students so they can practice on me
Shared this process as a client in a coaching class
Had conversations in public about opinions, beliefs and things that would normally make me uncomfortable
Write about this right now in this blog!

What are your limiting beliefs? How do they impact your life? If you did not have these beliefs who would you be, what would you be doing?

We all have times in our lives that we get stuck or are hung up by something that is limiting us. My Coach has been masterful in asking the right questions to help me move forward.

If you need someone to ask the right questions to uncover what limits you, consider a Coach. I can offer you a sample coaching session at www.coachbalance.com

The Way to Live Life

2005-08-25T12:10:00.000-10:00

I got a birthday card last week that spoke loudly to me.

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

- mary anne radmacher

What if we actually lived our lives this way? Who would we be? These words really resonated with me right now because I'm in a process of uncovering a deeper level of myself.

Old patterns and beliefs are being revealed and I'm stunned at the grip that they have had on my life.

I'll tell you more about this discovery and what I am learning as time goes on, so stay tuned.

Free Classes This Week

2005-08-24T08:16:00.000-10:00

Balanced Life Coaching has a couple of great opportunities happening this week that I don't want you to miss.

Wise Womens Circle - Free Introductory Call

This call is for a woman who is interested in group coaching and is wondering if it is right for her. Come to this call to get all your questions answered and learn:

How group coaching creates amazing change in its members
The power of women in a circle and how you can benefit from this power
Whether or not being in a group coaching circle is right for you
What types of goals or topics women work on in the Wise Women's Circle
How you can get great coaching and save money

Thursday, Aug 25 - 12pm Hawaiian, 3pm Pacific, & 6pm Eastern
To register contact Coach Catherine at (808) 263-1244 or Catherine@coachbalance.com

A new Wise Womens Circle will be launching in Sept and the women on this call will determine the date and time - so be on the call to participate in this decision!

How Full is Your Bucket - Creating Time and Energy for Busy Women

This introductory free teleclass is designed specifically for the woman who is managing multiple responsibilities in her life and who feels tired and drained from juggling a ‘to do’ list as long as her arm.

In this class you will learn:

Your regular level of energy
How your energy level impacts your ability to get things done
How to become more efficient by using your energy
How time and energy are related
Specific ways to increase your energy
What will quickly increase your energy in a hurry

Friday Aug 26 - 2pm Hawaiian, 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern
This fantastic teleclass is part of the Older Wiser Womens Celebration and you can register for this class and many others at www.olderwiserwomen.com

This month long celebration is amazing and when you register you can participate in a multitude of outstanding teleclasses and have a chance to win cool bonuses and gifts.

I have a bonus at the Celebration! Register, plan to attend the Friday teleclass and once you sign up for the bonus you are eligible to win the 4-week teleclass series that follows the Friday call - so you can learn ALL the tips and tricks of creating energy and time! Who wouldn't want to know that?

I look forward to 'seeing' you on the calls!

My Own Personal Celebration of Aging

2005-08-17T07:50:00.000-10:00

I'm singin' a little song this morning and looking forward to a day filled with fun and celebration. Why? Because it's my birthday! Yay!

I'm turning 44 today and celebrating every moment of my age. Sure, there are things hanging in new places and I can't seem to get my eyes to focus at all without glasses and things with waistbands fit a little tighter, but in my opinion the benefits of being an aging women far outweigh the costs.

Here's what I'm celebrating:

the ability to say NO and stick to it
deep connection with other women
a relationship with myself that is truly satisfying
love that grows incredibly with my husband
living life on my terms and unhooking from others expectations
feeling my intuition getting stronger every day
being a model for women younger than me
comfort in my own skin - no matter what it looks like
exploring the depth of my wisdom
having a plethora of older women in my life who have shown me aging is wonderful
not being in my 20s any longer - fun, but wrought with angst
knowing how to take care of myself
telling my truth - even when getting angry or self righteous would be more fun
being fabulous!

Celebrate with me! What are those things that you are celebrating about yourself right now?

Resource for Women with Virtual Businesses

2005-08-16T10:14:00.000-10:00

Most of my business is virtual - meaning I work with my clients over the magic waves of the phone, cyberspace, and other technological means. I love it!

My guess is that since you are reading this, you have some familiarity with life online and business in the virtual realm. If that's the case, then I have the business resource for you!

The International Virtual Womens Chamber of Commerce is a fabulous organization headed by one dynamo of a virtual business woman - Jerrilynn Thomas.

I have been a member of this organization since December of 2004 and it is my lifeline to the virtual business world. I can't tell you how many wonderful women I have met - in person, on the phone, and through online networking - who have informed and inspired me personally and professionally.

If it wasn't for the IVWCC I wouldn't have learned about blogging, podcasts, web conference rooms, SEO, RSS, and all the teachers, trainers and resources that can bring a boost to my biz.

It is the one place that I know if I put a question out there - whether it be how to manage a glitch in my Outlook, to organizing my time better - I will get it answered, quickly and often with an offer to help.

The IVWCC is undergoing some profound changes right now and is morphing, under Jerrilynn's tutelage, into a premier business portal for womens virtual business. I'm sooooo excited about some of the changes - I can't wait.

I want you to check out this great opportunity because you definitely want to get in on the outstanding deal of joining this amazing group. You can learn about the benefits of the new and improved IVWCC and see for yourself that it is simply a no brainer to join us in creating abundance and success for ourselves and each other.

That's what women are about, right? Community, support, creation, success!

Older Wiser Women Celebration!

2005-08-15T09:08:00.000-10:00

If you are a mid or later-life woman then there's a month long celebration that starts this week just for you! Barbara Phillips, the creator of Older Wiser Women has put together a bevy of fabulous opportunities for us aging wise women.

You can participate in a multitude of teleclasses covering everything from bio-identical hormones to feng shui. And, there are gifts and bonuses for you to win.

The best thing is it's all for free!

Run on over to www.olderwiserwomen.com and register, so you can participate and perhaps win a terrific Mid-Life Adventure for 4-days in Mt. Hood Oregon by eating chocolate and drinking coffee and tea. Sounds terrific, doesn't it?

Check out the awesome mid-life movie to get a taste of the amazing adventure you could win. Ready to change your life?

And, guess who's offering a presentation and a bonus? Yes, me! Join me on Aug 26 to learn how to Create More Time and Energy for Busy Women. I bet you'd like some of that. And, by participating you are eligible to win a free 4-week teleclass series that follows this introduction - that's a $129 value!

It's free, it's fabulous and you belong there!

Paralyzing Perfection

2005-08-12T09:50:00.000-10:00

I just heard Maria Shriver say something brilliant:

"Well behaved women never make history"

What she means by this is that when you are afraid of making a mistake, then you become paralyzed and your gifts do not become a part of the world.

How does fear of making a mistake get in your way? Do you feel like you need to be perfect?

Sometimes us women feel that if we 'misbehave' then we are labelled in an unflattering way. Perhaps, that is so.

Think about the women you admire and why. Did they ever make a mistake in order to bring their gift to the world. Probably.

We all make mistakes. And, our mistakes can be our greatest teachers and our greatest gifts.

If fear is stopping you from acting in the world on your deepest heart's desire, you're denying the rest of us your gift.

TV Makeovers

2005-08-12T08:58:00.000-10:00

I've mentioned before, I looooovvve reality TV. I guess it's the voyeur in me and why I choose as my profession to work with people - I get to peer into their personal living rooms!

So I admit it. I like makeover shows. Not those 'extreme' shows where the person comes out on the other end completely unrecognizable to their family and friends, but the ones where the makeoveree is enhanced and polished to their truest potential. What I like is watching a person go through a process that allows them to really step into themselves and match their inside with their outside.

It makes me teary to see this shiny polished person stand in front of the mirror and say 'now I feel like me' or 'I was so scared to do this and now I feel like a million bucks'. What a release! What a joy to be acknowledged as a person who is important enough to take the time to look great!

The point is not to make YOU different, it's to make YOU the best you can possibly be. Not such a bad goal is it?

You deserve to be your best. How's that going to happen for you?

Getting Organized and Staying that Way

2005-08-10T14:54:00.000-10:00

Are you organized? What does that mean anyway? It really means many different things to different people with different levels of tolerance, but the key issue with organization is energy. How does your level of organization help you preserve your energy for more important things in life? Or, on the other hand, how much of your energy is leaking (or pouring) out of you because you can’t find the important document you need, miss deadlines, can’t keep track of appointments, not to mention your keys, have late charges because your bills go in late, and on and on. Disorganization can be a huge energy drain, but unless you have a compulsive hoarding problem, the news is good - you can tackle your disorganization and increase your energy!

Read the rest of this article in my August edition of Living in Balance.

Be Spontaneous

2005-08-09T13:08:00.000-10:00

My husband and I were sitting around on Sunday, doing our regular Sunday stuff and the next thing you know, we've got a long weekend in Portland planned.

Whoa! What happened?

We're not the most spontaneous couple in the world, though we don't live our life by a schedule. But, 4 days in Portland next week?

I'm thrilled! I'm excited! And my energy has gone way up because of that. It doesn't hurt that my wonderful stepson lives in Portland and so we have a fun visit to look forward to, but I think what is most exciting for me was the spontaneity.

There's something delicious about having a dose of fun and possibility dropped in my lap. And, I even enjoyed the couple of hours I spent researching our travel plans.

I know if you're a planner, then spontaneous activity may not be to your liking. But, the rest of you should give it a try once in a while.

When was the last time you were wonderfully spontaneous?

Becoming What You Believe

2005-08-05T10:16:00.000-10:00

Yesterday I heard something from Oprah that made me get up off the couch, run to my desk and write furiously so I would not lose the intense wisdom that had just occurred. Oprah said:

"You don't become what you want. You become what you believe."

Wow! Not that I didn't already know that, but somehow it just hit me like a mack truck yesterday. Which got me to wondering, what is it that I believe about me? And, am I satisfied creating those beliefs?

Beliefs are so powerful and often lurking in those messy closets in our mind that remain unopened. There's a whole theoretical perspective in psychology, called Cognitive Behavioral, which puts forth that everything about us is created by our thinking.

We have such incredible power over our thoughts and beliefs (most of the time), so how do we use that power? To build ourselves up and make ourselves whole and full? Wonderful!

Often though, our beliefs and thoughts may be repetitions of hurtful and demeaning words we've heard in the past, or coping methods that we've learned from others that no longer serve us.

What do you believe about yourself and how does that serve you? The woman on Oprah yesterday believed that she was not good enough for her husband and that he would leave her. And, that's exactly what she was unconsciously creating.

How can you change your belief so that it creates a shining beacon of light for you? For the Oprah women, her challenge was to begin to believe that her husband was lucky to have her.

What are the beliefs that are holding you back from the best you possible? What beliefs are serving you in being your best? Pull out your polish cloth and shine up your beliefs and tell us how you're doing that.

Deep Rejuvination

2005-08-03T10:35:00.000-10:00

I belong to a group of women that gathers monthly to connect and celebrate our shared spiritual connection with the feminine Divine. I can't even begin to share how this group of women has impacted me at the deepest levels over the last 12 years.

A few months ago we travelled to the Big Island (the island of Hawaii) for our 3rd annual Goddess retreat, which not only includes the celebration of the feminine spirit, but a bunch o' fun. Rituals, relaxation, good food, connection, massage, soul searching and a whole lot of wine fill up our retreat days.

Here we are at the beginning of our trip (minus two) - so excited to be away, to be together and to be at the start of our grand goddess adventure!

This annual Spring retreat has become such a highlight for our group that it becomes an emphatic topic of conversation around the end of year holidays. The enjoyment of our trip this year was so deep, that we decided we need to do it twice a year.

The enjoyment of these few days away is so powerful for a number of reasons. All of us are women with full lives and many roles and responsibilities - mothers, business owners, caretakers, creators, nurturers, holders of the space - and to completely step out of those roles to simply be ourselves is rejuvination on the deepest level. We are allowed during this time to be who we are without care or judgement, which feels like soaring effortlessly above the earth.

How often do you get to simply be you, without the mantle of responsibility or a role to fulfill?

One of the things that we marvel at each year is how easy and effortless our time together is. The dishes need to be washed - someone does it. Flowers magically arrive in the common area. The schedule needs to be adjusted because someone scheduled a massage - OK. Our attachment to outcome vanishes and we allow ourselves to be carried along in the flow of our connection - to ourselves, to each other, and to the Divine that we so cherish.

The short flight home is always very different than the raucous, crackling energy of the flight over. Returning home, we are filled, we are peaceful, we are ready to resume our responsible lives and bring what we have learned to bear in our daily existence. And, we're always ready to go again!

How do you deeply rejuvinate yourself? Is it alone or in connection with others? Tell us about how you return to the center of you.

The Amazing Power of Ritual

2005-07-19T09:56:00.000-10:00

Last week I held a mini retreat for the women who had participated in retreats earlier in the year to focus on goals and planning. In the midst of celebrating their accomplishments and creating great goals for the rest of the year, we began to talk about the rituals in our lives and what it is that they create for us.

The most interesting thing about this conversation is that none of the women recognized what she had been doing as a ritual until she began to talk about it.
Rituals serve a huge number of purposes in our lives and likely you have several that are important that you are not even aware of.

The rituals that my group talked about last week were those related to transitioning from work to home. Being busy working moms these women realized the power of creating a transition space between work and home and how the ritual allowed them to let go of one aspect of their day and become present with another. Here are some examples:

Liza, a busy psychologist and mother of two noted that as she walks to her car from her office she calls someone on her cell phone and chats all the way home. For her this activity allows her to disconnect from her patients and turn her mind towards her personal life.
Marian, also a busy psychologist who has a home office, described a process in which she leaves her office and goes to her bedroom where she takes off her work clothes, washes her hands and face and then spends time playing and reading with her daughter. This allows her to clear away the energy of her clients and reconnect with her daughter before the tasks of the evening begin.

Think about your life. Where are your rituals? What do you do that is a habit that brings you peace, or a feeling of stability or connection. Likely you have some rituals around the holidays, but you probably have rituals every day that if left undone, leave you feeling undone.

I have a morning ritual. Once I've done my morning chores, feed the dog, water the plants, etc., I take my coffee upstairs to my lanai, which has a great comfy chair, blooming plants, my altar, and a killer view of the mountains. I light a candle on my altar (which is a space containing important and inspriring objects) read the paper and do the crossword puzzle and then think about my day. I have a deck of inspiring cards, and I pull a couple of cards from this deck, while considering what it is I need to focus on for my day. Then I'm ready to go downstairs and work.

It doesn't matter how early my day begins. I get up early enough to feel the space of this ritual - because that's what it brings to me, space. I feel centered and prepared to move on to the doing part of my day.

What are your rituals and what is important about them? Share with us.

I'm giving away 100 free coaching sessions!

2005-07-16T10:50:00.000-10:00

Help me become a great Coach!

The more I coach, the better I become. In this spirit of pursuing mastery I am giving away 100 coaching sessions to women between now and the end of September 2005.

I've already had 16 women take me up on this offer and help me to become great. I only have 19 sessions left for July and they're filling fast!

If you or some woman you know is interested in a free coaching session then drop me an email at Catherine@coachbalance.com.

It's a total win/win, since you get free coaching and I become better and better as a Coach.

This is not a clever disguise for a sales pitch - just me wanting to be great!

If you have questions about coaching, who I am, or what I have to offer then I encourage you to visit www.coachbalance.com for more information.

I look forward to coaching you soon!

10 Lessons for Business and Life

2005-07-16T10:45:00.000-10:00

I just sent out my newsletter Living in Balance with the feature article, titled 10 Lessons for Business and Life. I wrote this based on the most important, but certainly not all, the lessons I've learned in my first year as a full time business owner.

What are some of the most important lessons you've learned in your life and business?

Share with us so we can learn from you!

Taking Responsibility Gives you More Power

2005-07-01T09:15:00.000-10:00

Last week I had two very personal experiences with the impact of taking responsibility - or not.

The first was my own. I made an inappropriate (gasp!) comment to my best friend. Being best friends, we can talk about anything and the feedback we give each other would sometimes make other people squirm with discomfort at its loving directness, but this comment I knew was over the line the moment it left my mouth. Not only did I have the internal, 'uh-oh meter' go off, but my friend's face let me know that my words were not received well. As soon as we parted I knew I had to apologize for that comment. If I didn't take responsibility for making a mistake, though our relationship would remain strong, there would be a chink in the trust we have with each other. So, I did - apologize that is. I called her up and said, 'my bad' and that was not what I intended to say at all, but I did so I'm sorry. Of course, she graciously accepted and we moved on - all done.

Why is taking responsibility important, and how does it impact your personal power? Let's talk power first. When I say personal power I mean your own personal ability to affect change in your own life. You don't have power over other people, but you do have power over how you respond to them. You don't have power over traffic, but you do have power over how you choose to manage it. Get it?

Power is about your choice and your action. When you take responsibility for something that is not going right or well, then you take the power to make it different. On the flip side, if you blame others for what's not working in your life - 'it's all your fault' - then you have successfully given that person, or institution your power. You are then at the mercy of that other to make it right for you. And you can wait forever and ever for that to happen.

Some folks choose to give their power away and remain in a victim place. I am a teacher at a local university and in a recent class I had two students who were quite good at giving away their power. It was the University's fault that they weren't informed, it was my fault that I graded too hard, it was the curriculum's fault that it wasn't clear, it was the technology's fault that they didn't know how to operate it, and on and on and on. Not surprisingly these students didn't get very good grades and guess who got blamed? Yes, me! What I find so unfortunate about this experience is that these grown up women gave everyone else the power for their educational experience. I find it very sad that they gave away almost all their power for their learning and their grade and then got angry at others.

Do you give away your power? Do you blame others for things that don't go well for you? If so, then here are some questions to ask yourself:

What am I getting out of giving my power away (being a victim)?
Are there certain areas that I give my power away in more than others?
If I took responsibility for myself, how would that impact my life?
What can I take responsibility for right now?
What's my first step in taking that responsibility?

Go for it! Take the responsibility you need to make your life shine. Only you can do that. Sure, life throws us doozys all the time, but we get to choose how we deal with life's lemons.

One caution - don't take responsibility for what is clearly the responsibility of others. You have no power over other's behavior, so don't take responsibility for someone's drinking, violence, failures, etc. They need their own power!

Taking responsibility is a key component of a powerful and successful life. Need some help? Then get it. I'm ready to Coach you to responsiblity if you need it at Balanced Life Coaching.

How do You Define Success?

2005-06-24T09:18:00.000-10:00

I've just finished reading Michael Gerber's great book, 'The E-Myth Revisited'. I thought for the longest time that this book was about technology (the title's not that great), but what a delight to discover that this was a book about creating your small business from the inside out.

Finally, a book that combines for me the specific and practical aspects of creating and developing a small business, but with a heart and soul. I have found myself so resistant to the traditionally masculine models of business (see my post below), but I have known that I needed to incorporate these practices to be successful. Now I have a map how to do that. I asked for help in managing the feminine and masculine aspects of business and I got it! How powerful is that?!

So, this has had me pondering about success. What is it? I think often when we don't explore for deeper meaning we equate success with money, but it's not a secret that money buys things, not feelings. I also think that the concept of success can be limiting for us. Sometimes we consider success to be the end of the road, the place which we strive to be. Well, what happens when we get there? What do we do next? Just sit around and feel successful?

Oprah says that when your wildest dream comes true that just means you have to create a bigger dream.

So, success is maybe markers along an evolving road? If you think about it that way, aren't there lots of successes then? The little ones, like losing that 10 lbs, and the big ones like selling your company for a million dollars.

Success to me means growth. It also means freedom and connection. There is some dollar amounts that weigh in on my definition, but the money is not the most important. I feel successful in a day if I end with a feeling of accomplishment - that may mean in my business, in my marriage, in my health... I also feel successful if I have acknowledged a limitation, a fear perhaps, and acted anyway. That's a big success for me.

How do you define success? How do you attend to your own success every day?

Need a success partner? Someone to help you define, notice and act your success. I coach women to achieve their success - www.coachbalance.com.

Feminine + Masculine = Whole Picture

2005-06-18T11:44:00.000-10:00

There is a theme running through my life right now. It is showing up with my coaching clients, in my conversations with friends, in my own business development, and even in the fiction that I've been reading. It's this concept of integrating the aspects of feminine and masculine to create a a strong, centered, whole. It's not about being a man or a woman - it's about the qualities and methods of the feminine and masculine.

You may be thinking about masculine and feminine stereotypes about now, which are not that helpful, so here's some further definition.

Feminine qualities (which men also have and it doesn't make them feminine!):

process oriented
relationship based
creativity
intutition
inner focused
success defined by inner satisfaction
ponders and processes
flat structure

And masculine qualities:

goal oriented
object based
practical
focused on information outside self
success defined by outer satisfaction
action and gets things done
hierarchical structure

Can you see how both of these aspects are helpful and useful? Without a balance between the masculine and feminine in ourselves we would either be floating in the clouds or goal driven machines.

My friend Cat and I were talking about this and I shared with her that the symbol of the feminine was a spiral and that of the masculine was a straight line. She totally identifies with the feminine spiral aspects of life, but is quite comfortable in the super masculine and hierarchical worlds of advertising and real estate. What Cat has discovered is that she doesn't have to be one or the other - bohemian or yuppie, as she describes it. Being one or the other creates a feeling that she's missing something and then she boomerangs to the other extreme.

Think about the masculine and feminine like a continuum - each at one end. Let's say feminine is 1 and masculine is 10. We each have our own comfort zone and that which we work best in. If you are forcing yourself to be markedly outside this comfort zone then your natural self will try its hardest to swing you back, and likely past your zone into the opposite arena.

I discovered this when I left my executive job. I actually incorporate a fair amount of masculine in my very strong feminine presence, but when I created my own business, Balanced Life Coaching, I realized how neglected my feminine nature was, and I began to understand why my administrative, managerial jobs (that I was pretty good at) were so draining and unsatisfying for me. They were forcing me too far to the masculine side of the continuum and not allowing my natural feminine qualities to share the stage.

My friend Sue gave me a great example the other day (another great conversation with Sue!). She talked about how when she and her teenage son have a fight, she noticed that her son (and her ex-husband) would begin to totally lose the content/topic of the disagreement and switch completely into a strategic position that would more allow him to win. Great distinction - strategy vs. content. For Sue's son it became about winning, not about solving the problem. Sue developed her own strategy of bringing him back to the content of their disagreement so they could resolve and move on. A nice blend of the masculine and feminine.

Where I'm really in discovery with this whole concept is in running a successful business. Most of our business models are oriented towards the masculine - hierarchical, sales copy, information based, strategic planning, bottom line driven. These are important, but where does the feminine fit in - the intuitive creative flow, inner satisfaction, service to clientele, connection and collaboration, process instead of win. They're both very important in business. But how do they fit well together? Especially for those who are feminine oriented?

Any thoughts from you? I'd love to hear some other ideas about this. And, I'll put up another post as I get clearer on this for myself.

The ICF, Blogs and Coaches (oh my!)

2005-06-14T08:56:00.000-10:00

Isn't it the greatest to see your name in print? I love it!

The International Coach Federation (the great guru organization for Personal and Professional Coaches) has a newsletter called Coaching World, in which is published mostly interesting information to keep coaches abreast of what is going on in our industry. And, in this edition I merited a small mention in a section about blogs and coaches. Cool, yeah?

I'm a member of the ICF and will in the next year or two become a certified coach. That's a good thing. Coaching is an unregulated profession right now, and that's fine with me. However, I think it is important for anyone who's going to hold themselves up as providing a service in any profession to go follow certain rules:

Get the best training possible - not just the fastest and cheapest
Even if you think you have the skills, still get the specific training
Continue learning and training throughout your professional career
Practice what you preach - if you're a coach, get coached
Join an organization that upholds a code of ethics and then follow it
Give back to the professional community that you participate in

So, perhaps you are considering hiring a Personal or Professional Coach. If so, I would recommend choosing a Coach that is certified or a member of the ICF. In doing so you know that this Coach has been through a rigorous process of demonstrating their skill and has agreed to uphold an ethical code.

You can check to see if a Coach is a member of the ICF through the Find a Coach service. Only ICF members can list themselves here.